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Wednesday, January 15, 2014

The Oprah Philosophy

Hello everyone!  It’s me Bretony coming back at you.  I know right, I JUST blogged the other day!  Oh well, I’m trying to turn over a new leaf!  I had a dream  last night that I had put out an episode of Getting’ By.  It was actually a really good episode!  Crystal clear quality, amazingly unawkward content.  It was great and everyone loved the episode.    I was planning for the next episode to be put out the following week as well.  It was just amazing! I felt so at home.  When I awoke, I realized that it was all a dream (no I didn’t use to read word up magazine…) On top of that, someone commented on one of my instagram pictures asking if I still did my show.  All signs!  The Picture he commented on, was a recent upload of mine; the latest cover of Oprah magazine.  Anyone who knows me knows I adore Oprah.  I think she’s one of the most amazing people in the world.  A business woman!  The most powerful business woman I know.  I always see Oprah’s magazine all the time.  And all the time… she is the only one on the cover!  This has enlightened me to discover… the Oprah philosophy.
I briefly discussed “The Oprah Philosophy” in my instagram picture description  (Speaking so much of Instagram, go follow my instagram! @bretony).  Now Oprah, love her, God bless her, but she wasn’t born with the greatest of looks, the greatest “model-type” body or anything like that.  But this woman is on EVERY freakin cover of her magazine! Whatever it is she has wanted to do with her life, adversity has not gotten her down not one bit.  Which I freakin admire!  She invented a whole magazine just to put herself on the cover of! She moved up from a talk show to an entire network! If that’s not the epitome of BAWSE, not quite sure what is.  These 2 Oprah scenarios are simply formulized in my head as a sort of proverb of sorts. If there is not a door, you create a door!  If no one is hiring you for work, make your own dam work!  If no one is approving you for an apartment, get your own dam apartment BUILDING.  If a record label isn’t picking you up as an artist, start your own record label!  Same rule applies for everything you want to do in life… if something looks impossible, it doesn’t matter. ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!  Please believe in yourself everyone.  ESPECIALLY especially if you think it impossible. 
I have to use The Oprah philosophy much more in my everyday life, as I also encourage everyone else!  Basically the principle I want to impart, is if the small things in life seem unattainable, you are probably thinking too small.  Think big, do big, GO BIG, or ya know, just go home… relax, an kick ya feet up!
If you have any more similar philosophies… or unsimilar philosophies, feel free to share!

Piece(s)! (Reeses pieces… mmmm)
Bitches with stuff

SO… I’m such an anti-social personality sometimes… to the degree that, ya know, a bunch of crap always annoys me about the human race!  In this post, I will be talking about what WOMEN do that annoy me.  Guys of course will have their own blog at a later date.  See guys, you can have something all to yourself,  aren’t I nice?  No, but in all seriousness, it will probably take me much longer to compile a list of all the annoyances I have with men.  Anywho, getting right into it, I will talk about a few things that annoy my mortal soul :) 
(pardon my English)

Bitches with picky appetites:
I’m definitely a skinny girl, by nature, so I like to eat MOST things.  Yum! But sometimes when I’m at work and they have like family meal out, most of the girls bypass all of the delicious meats, sweets, breads, cheeses, calories, gluten, and starches (I’m assuming?).  To this day, I still don’t even know what a calorie is! What is up with that?? Bitches be mad picky!  Just freakin eat, who cares if you get fat, just work out maybe? What’s wrong with meat?  God put meat on this earth for us to eat! If he didn’t, why would he make all those guys sacrifice the fatted calves? The Lion king has taught us that it is the circle of life.  We eat the animals… when we die, they eat us (via the grass and dirt). Circle of life!  I just overall can’t stand super picky eaters, or bitches who only eat salad and other healthy a** non-fulfilling cuisine. Blah! Eat! Food is amazing, get with the program and experience as many different flavors as you can.

Bitches talkin pointless sh*t in bathrooms… and other places:
I know a few females who say they don’t have any or many female friends.  I can sort of understand that to a degree.  Not saying this is every female, or even limited to females, but sometimes when I over hear broads talking, especially in bathrooms, clubs, between co-workers, etc., they talk about the most pointless boring crap!  Is conversation that hard to find?  Are there no other issues in this world for you to talk about rather than how to wash and condition each stupid strand of your stupid stringy hair? Like seriously, the most boring things you could imagine being talked about, are talked about between girls.  Why?  No, like really, why?  Sometimes when I’m forced in a communal situation with a bunch of chicks I don’t know, I completely tune out.  But then everybody thinks I’m quiet and shy, and wonders why I’m not talking or participating in the convo. Cuz yall bitches are boring me to tears! And then they laugh at the ditziest jokes, or “jokes”, because they darn sure never make me laugh.  I am a tough critic, but still, I hate uncomfortably laughing just to show I’m not a raging emo cunt.

Bitches with boyfriends (BWB):
Ugh, probably one of my biggest female peeves.  Not just because I’m a forever alone, old spinster cat lady, but bitches really do act different when they get in relationships!  I’ve been in relationships in my time (none very good), but I’ve never been THAT girl.  “The girl” I’m referring to is the BWB.  This basically describes any girl who is in an all consuming relationship which takes over her (and everyone around her) everyday life.  She will post nonstop pictures, statuses, etc. about “me and my boyfriend at the store” “me and my boyfriend laying down” “me and my boyfriend waking up” “me and my boyfriend on vacation” “me and my boyfriend off vacation”… bitch no one curr! And no one wants to see! One every 2 or 3 months is perfectly fine, but one every 2 or 3 minutes? Not cool.  Also, why everywhere you go, your boyfriend has to go?  Have you no independent life?  Do you even know who you are anymore?  Don’t you want to keep your sense of self?  And why does everybody have a darn boyfriend these days?  Am I the last of the single Mohicans? Eh, I probably am. But relationships kind of annoy me.  Maybe for the simple fact that I don’t wanna lose myself completely.  I like myself too much! I feel as though a relationship should enrich who you are as a person, not diminish. Bit of advice, keep your relationships to your darn skippy! Unless asked! Keep it secret and it will last longer. (that's right, take relationship advice from the single broad right?) Also, single is good sometimes!  You don’t have to always be boo’d up.  Take a break! Be free so you can go out with me and be promiscuous! Yea, it really boils down to me having no friends to be debaucherous with anymore L

Over all ladies, don’t be a cliché’.  Be yourself! But not if yourself is a picky eating, rambling bimbo with a stupid boyfriend.  Are there any things that girls do that get on your nervesssss? Let me know! Guys again will be a different blog, but you can talk about them too of course!

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Hello All! It's been a long time coming! happy freakin New Years by the way.  It's almost 2 weeks into the New Year and what do we all have to show for ourselves?? I've been getting use to my apartment and living all by myself.  Terrible news tho, the lady who's internet I was using put a stupid pass-code on!  Which makes living alone aLOT more boring than it actually has to be.  I think I may want to get a roommate, if none other than for the sole purpose of having a companion. Ya know? Ahh, forever alone!

Anywho everyone, seriously, happy new year.  I'm typing this from work right now.  Yeap, still a hostess.  I actually like this job.  It keeps me from my boring mundane loneliness at home.  (Gosh could I sound any more like Bridget Jones?)

I really really want a tamale right now.  Also fried mac and cheese and a donut.  Anywho.

There are always so many things I want to talk about when I blog after not blogging for a while.  I suppose I should just start blogging more regularly? I suppose I should get internet huh? Oh gosh but it's so expensive! I have to stop talking about stuff being too expensive tho.  I find it as though, my life works better when I seldom look at my or think about anything money related, and I just spend to my hearts content.  I'm not really a materialist, so all my needs and wants are pretty much always met for the most part. I will start writing more tho, pinky promise!

SO a new revelation in my life I discovered while in Barnes and Noble trying to pick out a new book to read (Fifty shades of Grey is making me have weird dreams), is that I want to study business! Kinda sorta.  Well I see it like this: I know I wanna do a lot of things with my life, dance, sing, create, music, television, production, EVERYTHING! Sometimes I feel bad about wanting to be a jack of all trades and a master of none, but it all really is what I wanna do! There is a such thing as a triple threat you know.  Most of the most successful women in this world do in fact venture out to do many other things than what they originally are known.  And most of those women are business women, with their OWN corporations.  That's what I need to do.  I've actually been thinking to small.  So what I'm planning to do now, is go all out, and go all in... and start my corporation! I know that it is totally possible if I read up on everything and have extreme dedication.  I've also realized, I probably need to stop being such a freakin loner and incorporate other like minded creative individuals who can help me work towards my ultimate goal.  The worst motivation is SELF motivation.  Totally true.  That's why people need gym partners and running partners! Nobody is motivated to work out by themselves!! That crap is boring!  I need to interact, and network, and yadda yadda! So that is my sort of plan everyone! What do you think? Please give me some feedback.

Also: If you are YOURSELF a creative individual, or have any other ground breaking ideas, OR know anyone who is, send them my way! :)

peace and chicken grease!

P.s.I knowwwwwww I haven't made a video in eons, but I really am working on it I swear.  I've just been dealing with a bunch of internal (and external) issues that I'm trying to over come.  When I do come back, it will be bigger and better than everything you've ever seen! I just don't wanna put out crap, ya know?  Anyways guys and dolls.. Lemme hear some feedback!