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Monday, December 26, 2011

(ooh la la!)

I barely EVER talk about my relationship life, because well.... I really try to keep it Jay z and Beyonce up in here.  I feel like if everyone know all my problems/ or good times, what good is that really gonna help anything.  And besides, Idk if I've ever felt so compelled by someone i've dated to talk about them in a blog : / (step it up people!!)

Sometimes I question if i've ever even been in love. I mean sure, I say it , but do I really know what it means? Like really? Do I know the distinguishment between love and just lust?  or that new feeling of seeing someone new? I feel like I'm just so picky, and needy of attention in relationships, that no one has ever really came close to exactly what I'm looking's always something!

I wonder if i'll ever get married.  Because I really want a little girl (twins really), but I would NEVER think of raising a kid on my own (just not for me!).  But being with one person who isn't EVERYTHING to me... for the rest of my life? nahhh, too weird of a thought.  And I would never get a divorce. Atleast I'd never want to.  I feel like that's such a quitter thing to do. (Unless he's like beating me, but then I'd feel VERY justified in murdering him... so that's technically not a divorce right?).

I've just never been completely happy in any relationship i've ever been in.  I'm not really even sure what I really want anymore.  But i'll tell you what I think I want!

1. Someone who DOESN'T cheat, or give me any idea that they are cheating... like wtf yo!

2. Someone who thinks I'm the most beautiful girl in the world (I know I'm not, but I would like to BELIEVE that I am to them)

3. Someone who pays attention to me. I am an attention whore and I know it dammit!

4. Someone who supports me, my dreams, my beliefs, my morals, etc.

5. Someone who laughs at all my jokes. (very important. must laugh at them all. seriously.)

6. Someone who isn't territorial, TOO jealous (it's ok to be a tad jealous), clean, and fair... and NOT hypocritical!!

7. Someone who want's to do something with their life and not just be a lazy bumbaclot!

8. Someone happy, yet argumentative. (i love to argue)

9. Someone easy on the eyes.

10. And someone smart, who will grow with me, and work with me, and not against... be for me and not opposing of things that I do. 

Is this so much to ask!?? It must be, because I haven't found it...
Sometimes I feel like I just need to be a pimp, and get what I get from who I get it from, siiiiiiiighhhhhh

Where do we go from here!?

Thursday, December 22, 2011


  I make them, you make them.  But why? Who are we really trying to fool? Others, or mainly ourselves?  

I have come to the realization (which I am ALWAYS doing these days huh??!), that I mainly make excuses for everything in trying to convince myself that I'm not as effed up of a person as I am.  I sleep alot because I'm tired, and I need my rest to keep looking as fresh as I can, so that in case someone sees me on the streets they can think of me as a model and host, and so my body can function better during the time that I am awake.... wtf is that bull ish excuse Bretony??? Come onnnn, you know some of that is kinda true, but goodness gracious.  I should just plain ole go to bed earlier, then I would have a more normal sleep schedule and not sleep so long.  Also, sleeping is actually addictive. The more you sleep, the more your body feels like you need sleep, so the more you will be sleeping. And nothing will ever get done!  That's just one example!

I'm sure we all have that one thing that we are telling ourselves is one way, when actually, there is another reality that we don't exactly want to admit.  As to...why we aren't where we should exactly be in our lives right now maybe? hmmm?? think about it!

"I can't get a good job because I can't go to college because I'm broke because I can't get a job! If I had a good job, I'd go to college and get a better job... blah blah blah"

That's bull crap (a.k.a an excuse).  There are plenty of differ ant ways to do things.  Just because you aren't doing it a certain way...the way you probably want to... the EASY way... doesn't mean there isn't another way to get it done.  All roads lead to Rome, and yadda yadda!  Point is, at the end of the day, there really is no excuse for anything! Just effing get it done, or that's on YOU and only YOU!

Just some motivational advice as I analyze my own flaws!

p.s.  Always remember... Precious was on the cover of magazines!! Kim Kardashian is in movies, And Arnold Swartzingere (sp) is the freakin governor of the biggest state in America!  (that always inspires my motivation)

peace in the middle east yall! 

Let me know what else you guys want me to talk about!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011


  Bretony here...hey! What are yall up to? You never really tell me! Anywho, life is still life.  I'm still living.  I am still thinking to wits end about every aspect of everything that happens and/or doesn't/  But here I am to blog! Why not ya know?  I'm here, I have a computer, I have stuff to say, no excuse not to!

I have epiphanies all the time (I love that word), and I will share a few with you now:

-The grass is DEF always greener on the other side. We know this, yet we STILL wanna go to the other side to at least see what it's like.  We still will yearn to be on that other side.

- I kind of actually don't like modeling. Well, the industry of modeling.  So effing superficial, whimsical, flakey, backstabbing, fake... and many more fun adjectives that I can't think of right now.  Sure people are beautiful, sure people have a "different or unique" look and you want them to take pictures in your clothes, with your make up on, in front of some background... but then what? The next person comes! EVERY body has a different and unique face, so who are we to say that one face is better than the next? And they get put on such a pedestal! I use to want to model because I though that then people would think that I too was beautiful... but it's really just me being super fckn self-conscious. And I hate it.  What I DO like however, is creating beautiful artful images that people look at and stare at and think for more than a moment.  The problem is, none of the "good" photographers want you, or will ever even see you, unless you go through the bullshyt process.  Eh, well. It's just that when people say they love modeling, and all they wanna do is model... I'm like... why?? ew.

- I don't think drugs are bad.  Well...tehehe. Lemme explain.  I think that anything in moderation is fine, it's just the overdoses that cause recklessness.  As with anything tho, too much of a good thing, is a bad thing.  The only reason "drugs" are labled as drugs, are for the misuse.  Hospitals have "drugs" for petes sake, they just give it in approved "Doses" so we won't kill ourselves.  Just think, maybe the hospital gives out some form of e pill to depression patients so they can be happy... they just label it "take one every week" or something, and it balances everything out.  I just really don't think they're all that bad.  No worse than anything else we put in our bodies every single freakin day (i.e. grease, sugar, alcohol, lard, salt...).  I have nothing against the recreational (occasional) use of drugs. It's just that some people don't know when to quit, and over time... I do think that it changes a persons whole personality. For example weed. Have you ever had a conversation with a weed head? Like a REALLLLL weed head? They sound dumb as hails! And they're so lack luster about everything! It's like their pace is at %50 percent less than the rest of the world.  Sometimes people think that need drugs to act a certain way, but it's really just all in the mind.  We do them to escape for a minute from the reality of life.  But who wants a permanent vacation from life?

The rest are short epiphanies that I will explain later, cuz I know yall won't read all this! ya lazies...

- people talk about sex waaaaay too much, and there is too much nudity everywhere. I feel like there is no surprise element to anything anymore, and I'm becoming a bit unfazed by the whole thing.

- Going out every night is not good for anyone.  I know it's VERY hard to not party when it seems like everyone else is, and that you MIGHT miss something really fun if you don't go out.  But really, it's not good.

- How well do you know these people you call "friends"?  the term is so loose.

- You grow up so fast, don't waste your childhood/teen hood/ young adult hood.  Time does NOT go backward (wish it did), but only forward.

- At the end of the day, you have to live your life.  Because guess what. Unless reincarnation exists (which it might), we only have one of those lives to live (no soap opera).  Experience things, experience people, go places, don't get stuck doing the same thing forever!

- If you don't know, ask somebody....

Peace in the middle east!

Thursday, December 08, 2011

You, you, I think about you
Yes every night and day I think about you,
Are you thinkin bout me too?
Cuz I haven't got a clue
And I haven't got a care
well atleast I don't act like it.

But you still think I'm pretty when I look like sh*t
and it's
kinda fckn crazy
a hoe is still a lady
or is she just a baby
or is it just maybe
I don't want you to leave
I want you to believe me
it's easy
Thought you were on my team
all I wanna do is scream
out... out...

why? the fck? would you give up?
on love, on us?
for her, for him?
for pride with-in? Original sin?
Baby tell me right now,
are you out, are you in?
Do you wanna just start all over again?
Go back to the good times, forget about the bad
Please baby please, I don't wanna be sad
You were all that I had to depend on,
lean on
taught me how to get my green on,
be strong

I'm weak
You put a hole in my heart
I leak
You're all that I need
You're all that I mutha fkcn need!