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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Reflections on life as I lie awake in bed in the early morning hours of this gloomy Tuesday...

I woke up at about 5AM today, after going to sleep at about 12 i'd say. Ever since I've taken off Tuesday's and Thursday's, I mainly sleep in, im not gonna lie to you guys. Its terrible, and I feel so unaccomplished when I don't wake up in time to do anything real. I'm a night person tho, sheesh! It's always been like that with me. It's also like, there is no SET plan for me to follow on my days off, so it's like...hmm, what should I do today. There are many possibilities, but by the time I finally think of one, I end of thinking of another one, and my brain gets scrambled to the point where I end up not really doing anything. I need guidence.

Life is full of choices. OBVIOUSLY, but I feell like I need to say it mainly for myself. I'm sitting here thinking of what I could be doing today. I have the whole freakin day ahead of me! Whichever choice I choose to make will ultimatly affect the outcome of my life in some way. and thats freakin crazy! Do you know how freakin differant our lives could be if we make ever so slightly differant choices? For some, it may not seem like it would make much a differance, but for others, it may be something huge! Could be the differance between life and death, rich and poor, love and lonliness. Anything really, and thats effin deep.

I know the outcome I want, but the process, the path, the question. The shortest distance between 2 places is a straight line, in this case, the distance between where I am now and where I wanna be. But who the fawk really walks in straight lines?? I've never seen it! When google maps gives you directions, is it ever in a straight line? Hail to the no! Its always a bunch of twits and turns and junk, and then you're lookin at the directions like, wtfeezey? But then you decide to trust it and, you realize that all of those twists and turns that you thought were kinda crazy, or might take you out of the way, were actually necessary to get where you had to be.

I need to get in tune with the google map of my soul. My usual plan is just to start walking outside, and I'll get there eventually. But hey, we don't live forever, and maybe I will get side tracked on my quest to my destination. I must find the best route, and go from there.

We live our lives for what purpose? I am always asking myself this. And the answer seems to change from time to time depending on how I'm feeling. Is it to make ur mark on humanity? (But humanity is temporary). Is it to live your life to the fullest? is it to be as rich as you can? as happy as you can? to love? what?? what is it? what is considered a successful life?

I must try not to get disappointed because of the choices in life that i make, or the life that i was specifically given. it may seem like others have it easier, are prettier, or smarter, or have it all together. but guess what... oh i dont know. I'm still figuring this thing out myself. if anybody has any input or feedback, i would like to hear what you guys have to say :)

AND IF YA DONT KNOW u betta ask some dang on body...

p.s. why do they say life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get? If I'm buyin a box of chocolates, why df wouldn't I know what kinda chocolates are in there?? I aint tryna accidently bite into no punk a** coconut a** chocolate...or stupid mint. gross. I say, life is like the weather...can change in an instant!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

OMG! My mom reads my blog!

Yup! Just found this out like yesterday. Glad I didnt make that "say whatever I really feel blog" haha!! My mom always use to read my diarys when I was a kid tho so eh. I even remember a time when my sisters stole my diary, broke the lock off, and conveniently highlighted the parts that they thought my mom should pay particular intrest to. SHAKIN MY HEAD. I wish I had the diarys from my younger days still. I even remember this diary type book I use to write in middle school. It even had a title! It was called "teen life". I let some of my friends read it, and somehow the principal got a hold of it ( -_- some friends!). We had a whole assembly with the 7th 8th and 9th graders about it, lmaoo! My family moved so much tho, that Im not really sure where any of my writing stuff is anymore. I have my things spread out over so many differant peoples houses its not even funny. Life of a nomad tho. See, thats why I like this blog. Cuz no matter where I go, it'll be here. An online hard copy of my writings! Gotta love blogging. (yet gotta protect it from ya moms!)

ANYWHO! I recently got a comment on one of my youtube videos about how (no offense, but) I was now boring, and the updates about my life and random videos of me singing, dancing and rapping werent cutting it. they said its obvious that gettin by is never coming back so they unsubscribed.


Sooooo, I tried to brush this comment off and not think too much of it. But ugh! it got on my nerves! FIRST of effin all, wtf did u think gettin by was?? me updating my life, and singing and dancing you idiot! SECONDLY, ninjas want my old ish, buy my old albums! Gettin by will be back, but if u so stuck on how/what they use to be, go back and watch it! my new stuff will definatly not be the same, good or bad. THIRD, i am not effin boring son! I entertain my DANG self all the time, so if u wanna unsubscribe, why df are u making a huge spectical out of it? Just do it and stfu! Then i thought to myself...B, why are u getting so mad? Everyboody is not gonna like nor understand everything you do. Gettin' By is my baby. Its hard to convey the point I have to everyone about the direction I would like my show to go in, and I definatly cant respond to everyone individually about it. This is what celebrities go through I'm sure. They have to learn to deal with this kinda stuff. Everybody always judging, constantly bashing you (as if they are doing something sooooo great with THEIR lives). You not being able to just come out and reply back to each negative thing someone has to say. You not being able to explain yourself all the time. That must be tough!

Everything that happens to me right now, is happening for a reason. There is a plan. I hope to inform as many people as I can about as MANY things as I can. I want to better the world. Better everyone's thought process. I want to help people be better people. I am still figuring out so many things in life. Im not trying to say I have the right answers at all. But I do hope to enlighten myself. Be patient my dear friends and readers of this blog, and watchers of my videos, and followers of my twitter, and friends of my facebook, and .... i dont really use myspace anymore...but yea!

I need to meditate. or get hypnotized or something. My friend is going to a psychic (sp). I might swang thru with her....