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Monday, August 30, 2010

hello everyone,

bit of an update in my life as bre...I have been taking classes for broadcasting and production at the manhattan neighborhood network. so freakin hype! I get to help with shows and learn all about cameras and whatnot. I'm going to be making my own show soon enough, I just need to get some background knowledge on all of the stuff that is involved with television show production. I'm a very hands on "i do all my own ish" kinda gal, so I think its really good for me. I took 2 days off of work each week, which a.) leaves me a little bit broker, but b.) gives me time to do things more geared towards me actually doing things in this city...acomplishing all of my goals in life. I've got a pocket full of dreams! But ya know, I think about fame alot lately, and I know tons TONSSS of people who are trying to make it big in some sort of industry, those who swear up and down that they are so close to fame and all of that, but really, all of their medium level fame doesnt really add up to too much. I don't know any Beyonces, Kanye Wests, Oprahs, or Bill gates...who makes it? How do they make it? Is it all just luck? I wonder if i have that thing that makes people iconic and unforgettable...and talked about? Who determines if you have that? Oh man, I have so many questions, so so many. But I am just a simple human. One of billions. How do I make people listen to my questions and what I have to say? What makes me differant, and stand out? Will these questions ever be answered?

I believe that all it really takes is that one moment. That one right place and right time. There is no gradual thing, its just that one moment. And you have to be prepared for that moment, so that's why you have to work at what you wanna do so the moment doesnt pass you by. I wonder if we all get a moment like that and some of us just miss it. Dang, did I miss mine??? that would freakin suck. I hope i haven't missed it yet, but I am trying to work on being more prepared. My mind is so scatterbrained all the time. My ideas float around so randomly. I need to harness them. I need a sort of...mind cowboy to wrangle all of my ideas and put it in an idea barn somewhere in my membrane (ok with these metaphors bre, ok). I don't know tho, this blog is pretty good for me to just blurt out my ideas. Maybe I should hire an interpreter to put them into some sort of sense making form. Oh and twitter too. My twitter is massivly random, but very informative if you know how to decode my phrases and tidbits of my mind.

Anywho, when I get famous, I wanna have a diffeant kind of fame. Most celebs are like too...idk...its like...hmm... Its like they can't be real. They can't do real things because they are so judged for it. Then they get apologetic when people are all up in their face about it like WE all don't have our downfalls. If a celeb gets caught smokin weed, it all over the media, its all in the news, endorsements get taken away, people have negative things to say. but come on! Regular people do that stuff everyday! Stop being so effin judgemental just because they are famous! it just irritates me, and I dont wanna be like that. if I do something outlandish, or tabloid/tmz worthy, i just wanna be able to say, yea? ok? is their a problem? I'm living my life mofo's! how bout you do the same? Basically, I just wanna be myself, but with a stronger credibility so people will listen to the things I have to say.

Is that so much to ask? I dont think so...

We shall see everyone. we shall see. I know that most of my peeps feel me. Do ya feel me??

In other news, I am still pretty freakin lonely. I mean I have friends and everything, but I dont have a boo. idk if i need a boyfriend persay, but boo? i could use one! male or female! But i just don't wanna force anything, I want things to be naturally the bomb. i wanna be able to call them up and say hey, lets randomly do blah blah blah, and they're like "OK!" or i say, come over and lets watch law and order online, and they say "OK i'm bringin pizza and wine!" (thumbs up for the pizza). Someone to just talk to about random philosophical stuff that I always think about. Someone to be my own personal psychologist (which means just listen to me ramble and say "mhm". ya know? just something like that. I dont have that. I feel like an emotional caged bird. Sigh. Oh well. I'm trying not to force anything, but let's see how long this lasts.

Ok yall! enough of my rambling. Let's see what you guys have to say about this post...