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Friday, July 31, 2009

self awareness...


my name is bretony amber mcgee. everyone miss-pronounces my name.
i am 22. i think im too old.
i am very self-conscious, but i am working on it.
i want to be a high fashion supermodel but im too short, old, and acne ridden.
i love to dance and sing.
i dont like wearig a lot of clothes.
i like attention.
i dont take things too seriously.
i flirt to get what i want.
i do not like mean people.
i cry alot.
im very retrospective, psychological, and inter-personal.
i cant spell.
i lead people on.
i dont have a solid plan for my life.
i would like to live on a deserted island.
i like to people watch.
i dont believe in love right now, maybe it'll change, but right now i dont
i am weak, lazy, and i make excuses.
i complain alot.
im not slutty, but people think i am sometimes. eh, i guess its the way i put myself out there.
i would love to be on tv and have my own show as an outlet for people to listen to the things i have to say.
i would like for people in the world to be more open minded and self aware.
i want to help people as much as i can.
i have little faith.
i doubt God.
i like to write but my hands get tired sometimes.
i love food.
i cant cook.
i try to get over on people.
i'd rather i get hurt than someone else get hurt.
im hypocritical sometimes.
i have many regrets, even though its taboo to have regrets.
i have bad grammer.
i think people do me wrong.
i dont like people who think they are never wrong or have no faults or flaws.
i am addicted to reality tv.
i am not respected.
i really couldn't care less about politics. sorry.
i dont know where my life is headed.
i do a lot of thinking.
i am flawed.

....i am aware of all these things. and the first step to fixing a problem is to acknowledge a problem. who is to decide what are the problems we need to fix and which ones are just us being us? no one can decide this but you. i suggest you all make a self awareness list so we can start getting our lives together and stop waisting time. life can be very confusing. sometimes very messy. but we have to start somewhere in the organization process. or else...what are we even doing but furtherly disorganizing?

i am satisfied just knowing people have read this.
i will be sad if you disregard it...

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Hey yall! I'm typing this on my phone! So hype I know, but it may not look right, so eh.

This post is mainly about something that has been on my mind...its very hard being a girl sometimes. I mean, aside from all the other stuff we deal with, most things in the world revolve around men trying to get with us every 5 minutes on a daily basis. It really does get irritating. I mean, I literally can't go NO freakin where without somebody tryna get my number! Like even normal everyday places like the grocery store, a resturant, anywhere...they all want it. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I use it to my advantage to get what I want (which may be wrong on some levels, but eh, I'm no moral oral), but other times I really do just try to normally live my life. It don't work tho.

If I try to be just friends with a guy, that don't work either...its always somethin more they want. They always try to make a move. Why can't we just be normal!! I can't have every guy in the world, nor do I really want to, but why do guys just assume that I'm not even with nobody? Like who are you even to just go ahead and make plans for us like I aint got nothin else to do?

Let me tell yall a for instance... So I went to this temp agency for work right? So they had me fillin out forms and junk, normal right? So blah blah blah, a couple days later, this fool from the temp agency calls me out the blue talkin bout "hey its ***** from the agency. I got your number from one of the forms you filled out..." What the feezey???
"I was calling to see if you wanted to go to a party this weekend..."
Oh LORRDDD! Now what am I suppose to do? This guy is responsible for gettin my a JOB! Its like if I don't flirt back, things are weird, or maybe he won't look as hard, or whatever! Either way, it sucks.
So guys won't help me unless I'm mad flirtin, and women won't help for some odd reason (jealous? Eh, idk). Some women are nice tho...

But anywho, it just gets frustrating sometimes...

And I'm not even the finest girl ever like that, so I wonder how it is for the real fine ones. (I need to stop sellin myself short tho, I'm a bad a** b*tch...lol, sometimes)

Anywho, that's about it yall. Comment!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

i have a job....yay? (also, my skin isnt as horrible as it use to be...woop woop!)

so peeps, long time no blog right!!?? i know! been doing so much! i have also been keepig a daily journal, so i havent completly neglected the documentatino of my life... just put it into differant venues. anywho! yea yall, after much loking and much brokeness, i actually found a sorta kinda job. but let me tell you about it, its a freakin sweat shop!

ok, so, i went thru a temp agency that's like 10 minutes from where i stay, i had to be there at 6 in the freakin morning for who knows what. i stayed there til about 9, then the guy told me that they found me something to go to at about 10. i say cool right? then he told me about the job...

dun dun dun!!!

he said it was a warehouse called hand pack inc. i was gonna be doing some packing or some ish, i was gonna be there till 6, i was gonna be making minimun wage, and i was gonna be the only english speaker there! i was like whoa, what?? but before i knew it, there was a van outside waiting to take everyone there. it was in a city in jersey about 30 minutes away by car. i got there right...i thought atleast the managers were gonna speak english. wrong!! she gave a little speach in spanish...only thing i understood was "chica's"
i was just about to ask her what she said, but then a girl came up to me speaking english, asking did i understand what the lady said. i said no! heck no! i am so greatfull for my translator friend who was there. she was literally the only one who spoke ANY english. the others didnt even speak a LITTLE english. it was horrible. we took a little break. nobody told me i had to bring a lunch so i was just SOL. but luckily the bilingual friend (i think her name is leis), shared some of her food with me. she a kinda bigger girl tho, so all her food was health, diet, sugar free type ish. i was greatfull nonethe less!
after the break, we started working in the cotten fields. i didnt understand what the lady asked me to do to, so she had to just do an example, the i shook my head "yes". what i had to do was unpack boxes full of books and stack them up for the lady to grab then, WHILE collecting empty boxes and stacking them up for another girl to get. the work was non stop, tedious, and boring. and the managers kept yelling at us (in spanish ofcourse) to go faster. im like why we gotta go faster/ do you want us to die?? even if i did say that out loud, it wouldnt have mattered because they didnt understand me anyway. the whole time i was working, i was thinking to myself... this is freakin slavery! how can these people continue to work here! but then i realized its because they dont speak a lick of english, this is probably all they can do. it was really sad. i was really tired. oh AND we had to stay there until 8 because we started a little bit late. it was really horrible, sweat shop, slave labor, and i cant believ it was only for minimum wage. that was the hardest work i had ever done ever. blah. its a job i guess. and its only temporary. thats what my bilingual friend told me. she is really a nice girl, i hope she gets outta there soon. all the other spanish people there were mean tho.

oh well yall, thats my lame new wack job. i have to go back to it on monday. dont know how long i'll last, but eh. we'll see. why cant i just get a nice little 17 dollar an hour secretarial job in manhattan like i really want?! why is the getting a job pocess so loooong, drawn out, and wack! ugh, soon as i get famous, things are gonna change. i have much more stuff to blog about, but im hungry! so i will holla back peeps!

bye bye