Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
yeah...let me break somethin down to yall real quick. my laptop? BROKE! i can hardly push the buttons anymore! i actually had to copy and paste letters from differant websites just so i could log into my yahoo :(
i also cant edit intricate videos...i can only upload straight from my camera. i cant continue to be a famous internet show host under these condidtions!! argh! also, my internet has been out for a couple of days. which is BEYOND my control. anywho, looking past all that. this past sunday i was watching cbn on tv...it was about how people from all over the world need help and junk and how the network gave them free medical care, food, clean water, all kinda cool stuff. but yea, i decided that my life is too short to just be livin it for me. i never really did plan on being a stingy person tho. i always said to myself when i get a whole lot of money, im mainly gonna be using it to help others. but i mean, why cant i start now? i know i dont have a whole LOT of money, but i do have some. and i am a very blessed person regardless of all that goes on in my life. i just look at those things as well....a part of freakin life your GONNA have ups and downs. but some people...they just dont have a chance. i know that i can do something to help them even before i get millions and millions of dollars. so yes. i have decided. i want to help others in whatever way i can.
HOWEVER!!!! bums on the street? eff them cuz they CLEARLY have a chance. im talkin bout people who i know really dont have a chance. i feel very strongly about bums....dont even get me started. but imma just tell you this, i'll be DARNED if somebodt older than me come up to me askin for some money and sh*t....wtf? fool! i may even be broker than you as much as yo beggin a** be on this corner. you probably went to the SAME high school i went to. why you so differant huh? this is America jack....land of oppertunity. you just lazy.
that MAY seem a little mean, but think about it. its actually not.
but alright you guys, i have a lot of things to do today. dont know how imma do it all. but EH!
im probably about to be a webcam girl so i can afford my new laptop, then im gonna start makin my show again lol.
but seriously tho.
but aight!! guess thats it for right now.
***i am aware i have a public blog and all, but sheesh if i know you in real life and you read my blog, and you dont tell ME that you do and then you tell other people about the things i said about em in my blog??? *cough* Troy *cough* ummm....just let me know that you read it mmkay? i would like some feedback! :)
******im thinkin about making a video about my ex and putting it on youtube. i usually dont come out publicly with my relationships, but i think it would be good for me to get all my feelings out there to a mass audience :)
talk to ya latra! spread the love. spread the truth.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
that i am not good with sad situations. i really dont be knowin what to do...like AT ALL. today my cousin just had a miscarriage. she was 8 months pregnant. i know this was a very sad thing, but when my mom told me, i didnt know what to say or do. later on today, she was going to the hospital to go see her, and since i was already in the car i kinda had to go see her too. when i got up to the room....i dont know man. it was sad up in there! i dont like sad stuff. im tryna be happy! im tryna be positive! its not like i wanna be selfish and not be there for her when she needs support, but i really dont know what to do. in my family, we've always just looked past sad events. we dont deal with things head on. we dont console each other. yes, i grew up very differant from alot of families, and i really cant help the way i was raised.
anywho. i gave her a hug. and tried to look as somber as everyone else in the room. i mean....sigh...
it was pretty dramatic. but then i got to thinking, what if instead of an unborn baby that died, it was someone closer to me personally? like my mom...or best friend... or sister. how would i react to that? i dont even like crying in front of people, but would i just break down? its werid to think about because it is soooo....not me!
i dont like dealing with it!! do i have to? cant i just stick to what im good at? making people happy??
i never know what to say, i never know what to do, and it kinda bugs me....am i a bad person?
feedback. please. thanks. bye.
and happy obama day
Saturday, January 17, 2009
real short post.... i need a new laptop. pronto.
anywho, ummm...i dont really ahve time to write anything, i just wanted to write something...
they are about to get back on my laptop again and watch movies cuz we dont have a dvd player over here.
(sigh, very stressfull living with a bunch of ninjas sometimes...)
i mean! when they watch movies on my laptop, it monopolizes my internet AND i cant watch the other tv because THEY are watching a movie already (yes there is only one room).
idk man, something need to happen tho, they tryna take my positive energy. eh, maybe i should just say something if its bothering me. i will when i get back home from work today (yes work today!!)
anywho, enough complaints. gotta find my happy place again. bout to listen to some music.
DONT LET EM STEAL YA ENERGY!!!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
hey guys its me brebre93 (lol, a little nickname i made up for myself, kinda lame i know). WELL i have been semi busy these days, which is why i havent updated the blog thang in a while...but if you havent already...go watch my video on youtube!! its just a sample of what is to come tho, the next video should be out sometime this weekend. buty um, yea! lets update you guys on whats been going on.
you all know i have been being really positive and thinking good thoughts and what not, well, i guess its been payin off a little! cuz guess what?? i got signed to a modeling agency! woot1 i know right! i was JUST talking about needing a freakin agent or something, and what do ya know, they saw my pictures online and told me to come in, and today i did, and they signed me1 now i will start getting more paid work for modeling and mre jobs and stuff like that. sweeeet. I ALSO got a job at the state theatre which is venue for like concerts and stuff (white people concerts tho...nothing against em, just i never know the bands!). its not really a full time job, only when they have events, but hey its still a job! so yeap, im slowly but surely gettin it all back together! keep prayin for me doe.
in current event news, the obama concert...oops i mean inaguration... is next week, and EVERYBODY is going. i mean, anybody whos anybody will be there. guess im not much of anybody tho, cuz my broke a** is bout to be home then a mug. but i guess i will watch it on tv. but like seriously tho, is this a concert or what? because i think people are forgetting what this shin-dig is actually about. i think most of those homies going just want to party. but hey, thats just me. in other news, i know this is kinda insignificant to most people, but real chose cornfed on te real chance of love finale lol!!! idk man, i liked that show for some reason....and im glad he picked her because they look cute together!!
IN MORE NEWS i need a webcam!!! so i can get on this other website and people can see me live. but oh well! i know i will get one soon....cuz if i put my mind to it, nothing gets in the way of what i wants. holler!
keep being happy! fake it till ya make it if you have to....dont let anyone or anything get in the way of your happiness.
and if ya dont know ask somebody!
Friday, January 09, 2009
my niece and nephew enshira and gyasai....(i know the names are weird, but awwwwww!!)
love them so much!
...even tho they bad!...
who says teenage pregnancy cant be a good thing? i mean...ofcourse it ruins your life in some sort of way, but look at what cute kids come of it! anywho, i dont condone havin babies before marriage, but if it happens it happens and i guess you just have to move forward from it. i just know that i'd MUCH rather be a wife and mother than just a baby momma.
but do what you do! wrap it up!
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
umm, hello everyone. i think i know what im gonna talk about today. GOOGLE ADSENSE!! (i hope this isnt illegal tho).
i signed up for google adsense a while ago, and i didnt really know what it was. i just heard you get money from the people clicking on the links. its very technical and stuff, but yea, it actually DOES work tho. but i've only made like 17 dollars in like 5 months. which is wack. you can put the ads in your blog or your youtube videos. right now i only have those two stupid videos for revenue sharing because they always be talkin about copyright infringement or some bull... but i mean dang! even if the music is playin on the radio in the background i cant use it??! and if they deny it for sharing,they remove it from youtube completly. which is also some b.s.! so now, i have to realy be careful about the videos i put on yotube, EVERYTHING has to be origional. but in this world....hardly anything is anymore.
one thing that i know is origonal tho, is my blog. cuz NOBODY goes through what i do. i'll tell ya that right now. that is why im really trying to get more people to come read my blog.
maybe i should like, commit a crime or something and then peolpe will be curious about me and google me and then read my blog! yay!
but nah, to illegal. oh well, im still reading up on it everyday. still aint got no job. i will let ya all know as soon as i have a breakthrough. ITS LONG OVERDUE!!!
i need an agent! omg!
like seriously yall, that junk just hit me hard. but how do i get one with no money? thats the million dollar question right there.
welp! since i aint got no JOOOOOB, lol, i guess i get to spend my days and lonely nights trying to figure that out.
im gonna figure it out tho, dont worry. and oh yeah! im gonna be making more videos real soon you guys! i know you have all been patiently waiting, and im gonna make one real soon promise lol.
i know what i have to do now in life. that is the first step. now i need a plan. a nice, solid plan. and guidence. and support. the main support i get however is from myself. and im fine with that. i am my best support team.
one more thing you guys! im learning how to make web pages yay!!
i hope everyone notices that im focusing on the positive now a days. because ya know! i realize something about me.... i had a very sad time in my life. and ever since after that sad time, i have been having more sad times. sadness begets more sadness people! that is why im gonnna try somethin new here. be happy. sounds simple dont it? it is. no one can make you happy like you can make yourself (except for those crazy people out there who belive in "love" and all that mushy crap). but seriously tho. things may seem bad at first, but ya know...i'd rather be happy than....not. ya know? ya feels me?! being happy takes so much less energy. and thus, happiness...begets more happiness. and good things. so im gonna just keep myself happy, no matter who tries to bring me down.
there is an old song we use to sing in church...when i actually WENT to church...it went like:
"this joy that i have
the world didnt give it to me
this joy that i have
the world didnt give it to me
this joy that i have (pretty redundant)
the world didnt give it to me
the world didnt give it
the world didnt take it
the world cant take it awaaaaaaay"
lol. church. gotta love it.
anywho you guys. im off to eat ice cream and listen to music. meditate. and make myself happy.
who says you cant sift the gold out of the dirt? ha. i will win this thing...
but seriously tho, i do need an agent.
and dont worry be happy! :)
Sunday, January 04, 2009
so, since im broke and have no job/life, i have spent my days joining every single community website i can find. so far, im on twitter, mybloglog, livejournal, uhh....tried to get on skype, icq, bebo, uhh.....a bunch of other random stuff too. im basicallky trying to get more internet exposure by promoting myself in any way i can...i really dont know how much this is gonna work lol, but i'll give it a try. i mean shoot, aint got nothin else to do. on website i did find was this site to help you get myspace friends...it seems kinda spammish, and it kinda is, but it actually works. after i was on there for like an hour, i got like 100 myspace friend requests. sounds crazy right, but let me explain in lamens terms so yall wont think im tryna scam yall:
it works like, you have to add a bunch of people that come across the screen everytime it refreshes. these peoploe are completly random, and some weird...you dont really have to add them if you want (cuz i dont, i just exit out of the screen). anyways, when you add people, you profile pops up on other peoples screen so they can add you. im tellin you tho, it really does work, so i think if you want a lot of random myspace friends you should try it lol.
***yes the tacky lookin link is at the top of the page for now...i know its tacky, but eh
Friday, January 02, 2009
I know it may seem a tad late for me to be waking up on a thursday, friday, whatever today is ( you know how when your not in school you never seem to know what day it is?). anywho, i have like the weirdest dreams ever you guys. i swear they dont be having anything to do with anything. i never really remember all of the dreams, but i will tell you parts of the dream that i remembered.
ok, so i was....actually idk how it started off. all i know is one minute i was...hmm, what WAS i doing? i think i was over my grandmas house. but my grandma wasnt there, my aunt was there. my family was there also...my sisters and my mom and dad. they were all telling me to hurry up and get ready for some reason. i guess i was really slow, cuz the next minute i looked around everyone was gone. i was still getting ready tho and i was like, happy for some reason. i was talking to my aunt and telling her i was about to leave and i wrote her 2 checks for 50 dollars. she was so happy she wrote me a check for 75 dollars. i dont think i wanted to accept it because i figured my checks would bounce because i didnt really have any money. i ended up taking her money lol. anywho, when i was ready to leave, i hugged my aunt and walked outside. but when i went outside, my dad was a white guy, but i knew in the dream that he was still my dad. and it was also night time, and it was also in a very ghetto neighborhood, and i also discovered that i was in some sort of witness protection type of thing because my "dad" was sheilding me as we walked down the street. as we walked i got more and more scared and cars seemed to ride by us slower. it was the longest walk to the car. i asked him why in the HELL were we taking the long way? it took us a few more minutes then we finally got to the car. i jumped in and told my dad to lock the doors and drive away as fast as he could. i saw someone walking up to his window and was completly horrified. a man knocked on the window, my heart was beating. the guy turned out to be a policeman. he told us to both get out of the car immediatly. he said the car had to be searched for drugs. i felt a wave of relief flow over me because i knew there were no drugs in the car. or did i...
when we got out of the car, we went over to another car. this car had 3 of the baddest girls i had ever seen (meaning they were very pretty lol). like seriously, they were all looking so good. but everybody was in coats, and two of the girls were arguing. i guess i knew them becaue i got in the car with them while the police continued to search the car that i was origionally in. the girls were having some sort of relationship argument. i guess they went together? on girl was very cute, but i could tell she was very skinny, and that made her a little less attractive than the other girls. anywho, i guess she was a drug addict and the girl she was arguing with couldnt take it anymore. the skinny girl walked away and back to her car. she seemed very sad. we were all talking about her in the car when she left. i guess the other girl in the car was MY girlfriend or something because we were making out lol. anywho, a few minutes later we all looked over and heard her about to start her car. then something weird happened. her car like blew up...but in slow motion. it was weird. i saw every spark leave the car. and i even saw an alcohol bottle emerge from the car and slam all the way through our car window. but it was all slow. we all looked over toward the car to see what happend to the skinny girl, but as we looked over toward her car, we saw her walking towards us. her girlfriend got out of the car and walked toward the skinny girl. they began kissing and making out. then they got back to the car we were all sitting in. she was telling the skinny girl that she was sorry or something and that she didnt know what she would do if something had happened to her. i was sitting in that backseat so confused. i dont know why i didntgo back to my other car with my dad, but i just ended up going somewhere with the car full of girls.
we ended up at this candy shop. a boutique candy shop. and they were letting us sample all of the good candy they had made. i was immediatly happy again. and i was eating all the chocolate i could grab. it was so good. as other people came into the shop, i seemed to know everyone. then they had a stand up comedian come out. yes i know, very random. but people kept comming in that i recognized. i saw these two girls come in, they were even finer than the girls in the car. i was telling myself that when the comedy show was over, i was gonna go over and talk to them. they laughed at some random joke and then i woke up...
wierd!!!!! i already know! you dont have to tell me! now i KNOW im no lesbian, but still, i wonder what that dream could mean. i mean, i AM having men problems right now...but...i just know im not gonna go over to the other side, it is a weird thought tho.
i havent really talked to either guy in a week. i miss him...i shouldnt be missing him tho. but i cant help it...
i want to call him. but if i do, i wont know what to say. so i just dont call him. i KNOW he's not gonna call me. maybe i should just get over it and focus on myself. focus on self love. i mean shoot, tyra banks aint got no man! look at her! successfull then a mug! thats how i need to be. only differance is....i still dont have anybody. like nobody. even tyra had her mother. i have no one. but oh well. i guess i will just keep trying. keep trying to put myself out there. i will also be making more videos soon because i got a digital camera for christmas (yea, the only thing i got!).
its just harder to make videos when you are depressed. its easier to write. but i guess i'll suck it up. because i need to get on the grind and get ym foot in the door somehow...before i go completly broke and have to resort to something illegal. i have been on reality tv casting sites, but most of them you have to pay first. which is NOT an option lol. i will keep trying tho. please pray for little bretony and help me anyway you can. if you have a famouse relative, tell em about my blog!! tell em about my videos! tell them to watch and read, and maybe they will understand...maybe they will help (maybe they will donate! hint hint!!)
but alright everyone....im still here. talk to me!
(cuz if you dont i will have to sit here with my friends family...who yes...is over here right now....again)
the only thing is....her family is over here alot and it makes me feel totally out of place. but i can look past that. another thing people, i am like really having major relationship problems right now. its gotten really bad. my ex....tisk tisk tisk. what is there to say about him. he has wanted me back ever since we broke up like a year ago. and until like a couple weeks ago i havent been hearing a word of his pleas or begs. but like, idk, he has gotten all...ugh. he wrote this poem to me on facebook...very deep you should actually go read it if you know who it is...actually, i might go get it from facebook and copy and paste it here (p.s. im not on facebook anymore). the thing is tho, all the while he was still trying to get with me, i had a man! my best friend! i love him so much. he has done nothing wrong at all. i feel so bad that this is happening to him because he loves me too. but recently, new years eve. last night. i made a very rash decision. i told my current bf that i was leaving him for my ex. now those of you who "know me" know me, and know my ex...and know all the bull sh*t he put me through, you may think i am absolutly insane. i might be.
but the thing is, i called my ex to tell him last night what i had done, and this fool gon tell me all the bitches he cheated on me with! like just wild shit that i didnt even know! and he went in to DETAIL. horrible detail... he told me of girls he brought over...some while i was there! this one hoe i knew...i will give her an alias for identity purposes. "chiffany tubb" is her fat ass name, and yes she is on facebook . now i knew this hoe right, and my ex claimed she was over there to learn how to edit videos. BULL SHIT! he told me that when i was sleep in the other room, she sucked his happy snake and then they effed. and then when i went to work she came back over and they did it again!! he also told me that when his ex came back into town, he gave her some oral things and FILMED it! and they did it in my bed! THEEEEEN, he told me about his other ex that he drove to work, but before they went to work he brought her over my apartment to have SEX! drivin around in the fucking car that IIIII fucking bought??!! AAAANNNNND, this fat bitch he use to have sex with he said he effed HER in my bed and filmed THAT!
sigh, it was waaay more shit he told me too. my mouth hanging open the entire time. now all of this shit happend while we fucking went together. now you may ask yourself, was there anytime that we went together that he DIDNT cheat? how can i even look at that relationship as anything but false? it was all a fuckin lie! ALLLL of it. it was truly a horrid day. now im just stuck in a rut because my bf that i technically broke up with yesterday is never gonna want me back. and i couldnt go back to him even if i wanted to. he didnt even do anything wrong. i mean yea he was a little incensitive and didnt show me that he loved me all the time, but i mean...thats not even that major. my ex claims that all his cheating is in the past and that he is ready to be a "new man" for me. but at this point im like why? ya know? why do you even think you love me this much when literally ALL the time we were together yo grimey ass was cheatin?
im so a square one its not even funny. now i have to regroup. i dont even know what i need first. how do you rebuild from nothing? wheree do you start?
i'll tell you what i need. a new hairstyle. i think that is what im gonna do tomorrow. sonce i aint got no job or anything, sheesh.
but seriously yall, i need feedback for this. major feedback.
oh and btw, my ex has this little hoe he likes to kick it with these days, and he had the NERVE to ask my for my brother in laws number so he could call and get some kind of super weed for him and his mexican ass mistress to smoke. im sittin here like what the hell yo?! and her name is Karmelita Wingates (i gave this bitch an alias took, but you can find the hoe on facebook if you wanna she the donkey lookin slut).
ANYWHO, enough hate...2009 is all about love. its all about peace and mellow clouds and ponys and skittles with rainbows and pots of gold at the end gaurded by little leprechons eating lucky charms and singing old negro spirituals....huuuh...
idk you guys....tell me what ya think, tell me what ya got for christmas (like i care...cuz i aint get SH*T!), tell me your new years resolutions, tell me anything, i am a fair listener :)
that is it for right now, i will go back to doing nothing. probably will start doing these more tho...since i aint got nothing else to do. lol. man my life is sad.