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Sunday, September 16, 2007


Have yall heard about it? It’s a book, and a movie about this crazy thing called the law of attraction. I’ve recently been listening to (yes I was listening to a book…it’s in my itunes) THE SECRET, and im on part 3 of 4, so I basically get the gist of it enough to talk about it. What the secret is basically talking about is how our lives are a product of our thoughts, to be put simply. That is why people who think rich thoughts and thoughts of wealth are rich and wealthy, and people who think about being poor and broke are poor and broke. It also goes on to say how this is true for every aspect of our lives; people are fat because they think about fat, they are single because they think single thoughts, and so forth. So the book goes on to talk about if we want to change our lives then we have to start thinking better thoughts. There is a lot more to it though, but that is the basic principle of the book. I mean, it does sound like a very lovely concept of life, however, I believe that even though they are our own, controlling our own though process is one very difficult thing to master. I mean yeah I can say im thinking one thing, but in my subconscious (sometimes conscious) mind, I can also be thinking the opposite, and it just is a weird cycle in my mind about what I actually believe and what I don’t. I know I may be talkin a little crazy, but do yall know what I mean about this?
I can say I believe that I am going to be famous, I may even act like it, but sometimes in my mind I go back and forth unwillingly about whether of not I actually believe it 100%. I KNOW YALL KNOW WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT, lol… I am not crazy. Let me not start to knock the secret though, I really do think it’s a great concept for people to grasp. Im gonna listen to it and analyze it a little better and hopefully I can learn to control my thought and make them be all good thoughts, ya know? I don’t think I fully have the concept yet though because I have a semi testimony kinda sorta set back thingy type a majig…
So I was at work right tryin to act all like “im rich im rich, I got money and such!” and I was on that kinda stuff right? So I went on and ordered myself 2 tickets to Orlando Florida on a card of mine that I knew for sure the balance was shot to heck on. It actually went through! I got a confirmation number and everything. So then are started thinking more good thoughts about what I would need on my Florida trip….I went to and ordered a new ipod nano with my name engraved on the back, lol…I also ordered some acne stuff for my bacne…Then I went on and was bout to order up some clothes, but then I stopped myself just before the checkout and said to myself, let’s just see if all this stuff turns out right so far. The rest of the day I kept trying to keep my mind on how all of that stuff I bought was actually mine and how not to worry about paying for it (lol, silly me).
The next day, I got a confirmation email from apple saying that my ipod had been shipped, I was happy! Then like 5 minutes later, I got a 1 800 call, I didn’t answer of course, but they left a message about contacting them due to some charges that were made (lmao). I have yet to find out the fate of those Orlando tickets, I just keep telling everybody that I am going, so hey…we’ll see about that one
I think that I took that secret thing just a tad too literal…

Monday, September 10, 2007

Ya know people, im usually not one to talk about my relationships…well, I kinda am, lol. But I have really tried to stop….but since nobody who reads this thing probably knows who my boyfriend is, and since he is too lazy to read my blog, I guess it is safe for me to express a couple of things about him.
Oh! Pardon my rudeness everyone, the last time I was writing, I didn’t even have a boyfriend. Well I have one now. I will give a brief summary/history. We met because he saw one of my videos on you tube. He liked my personality, can you blame him! He messaged me on myspace and all that…he’s a director, who didn’t really have a lot of films to show me at the time, but he brought a couple over my house so we could watch each others stuff….one thing lead to another, and then ya know…we started going together! Then…another thing lead to another thing, and we started living together!! All within the course of about 2 months. I know, I know…we moved very fast. Anyhow, along the course of our early relationship, he managed to cheat on me, not one, not two, but about 4 specific times that I know of…one time, he even did the nasty thing right in my very bed with this flusey hoe who called herself my friend. Another time was an internet webcam/nude/stripping session with his recent ex girlfriend love of his life who he only broke up with because she joined the army. I tell ya, baggage is a mutha fuck*…that is one thing about moving too fast in relationships. If you read some of my last entries, you would know how freakin desperate I was to get a boyfriend, so I pretty much didn’t put up a fight with the things he asked of me. I had no idea what kind of person he was before we got into deep, and honestly if I would have, we wouldn’t be together right now. And he has said the same thing. So why are we still together now you may ask?! So hard to say really…but what I will say, that love makes you a fool…a crazy denying fool! You start to deny everything about your current situation and make excuses. I rally don’t know where we are gonna end up, believe me, I have tried to break it off many times before, yet since we live together, we just eventually forget about it and continue to live our lives as if we are together. Truly though, it is very sketchy with him, he believes so much that he is a good person, that he does nothing wrong and everything right… for those of you who also may not have know, my major in college was psychology. I love trying to figure people out, and maybe I am still with him because I am trying to figure him out. I do not wish bad for him, he has big dreams…dreams of becoming the greatest film director of all time. I would like to see that happen for him, but I know that it’s defiantly not going to happen if he continues in his ways . Our main argument… well, my main argument with him now is that he is, to simply put it, a hypocrite. A flat out hypocrite. He wants me to uphold some standard of sumthing in a woman that I just don’t understand, yet he does what ever the eff he wants to do, and its just acceptable…o.k.. it’s not o.k.! everything he accuses me of doing, he does it 10 times worse and comes down hard on me for coming down on him about it. every time I try to bring it up, he changes the subject and says, just forget about it… yet when he brings it up, he refuses to even say another word to me until ‘apologize” or some other equivalent. To tell you the truth, I do not know why he is with me either. To hear him tell it, he practically hates me ( or so he tells his journal…yes I read his journal!). He also flirts shamelessly with every lite skinned heffa he see’s on the internet, and tells me not to be jealous… to simply just break up, well, its not simple at all really…we live together. It is a very stressful situation. don’t get me wrong though, every bad relationship has it’s good times…it’s happy moments. I just don’t see them as outweighing the bad….
I remember a time when I wanted a relationship, now I would give anything just to be single again….
Maybe forever.
And if any of you jankey men out there think you’re different, you’re probably not…but hey, I could be wrong…
There will definitely be more to come on this subject!! I just had to vent a little bit.

Saturday, September 08, 2007


Hello everyone!! loooooong time, no write! but I just remembered that I had this thing, so no i figure, might as well write up in it! For those of you who don't know, which you should know!! Is that I have a youtube channel! Yes that's right!!! yay for me! The only reason I started writing this blog is because i didnt have a video camera, and that is why i havent written anything i a looooooong time. ANYWHO, you all should really check out my videos if you haven't. I have not figured out how to upload videos to this yet, but im sure it isnt that hard. I am at work right now tho, I'm gonna make this short and sweet. If you watch my videos, i have a series called "Gettin' By" which has been a long dream of mine ( to have my own show that is), and now i gots one! i have already had two whole seasons of it, and now i am working on season 3 of it, so please stay tuned for that. there's really no need to update if you watch the videos, so that's all i'm gonna say about what i've been doing since my last blog. SPEAKING OF THE LAST BLOG!! my last blog was not meant to get any body all crazed up or nuthin, it was partly true. But that was the actual letter i sent to wayne state university trying to get reinstated....yeah, i did exagerate just a tad! but i truly am fine everyone. man i miss typing!!! i hope to make this a regular thing again, sorta like an online, public, diary for everyone to see and comment on! in no way is this replacing the show i do, or vice versa....some people dont think that people (I) should do more than one thing...that i should just stick to one. but screw that! i am waaay too talented to just stick to one fascet of talent. I do want to do a lot of things, and who says that i shouldnt go for all of them? cuz by golly im gonna... anywho, bout to get off work now! ttyl!!!
p.s. yes i still work for the same stupid cell phone company...different store tho :(
also look me up on facebook!!! (lol, yes im back on that b*tch!)