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Friday, June 30, 2006

sometimes i wonder if its something im doing wrong...why is it that no matter what i do, no matter how good i look, what i say, wear, think about...i can not find love! i mean, not nessecarily love persay in the "actuall" sense, but just a good man that will treat me that way i would like to be treated, and look cute too. and stimulate my mind as well as...well, you know. i want someone i can talk to whenever i need to talk to the, but i dont want to feel like its an obligation, nor do i want to feel like a burden when they talk to me. i mean, i am not that metticulous about who i want to be in my life, just someone i can trust...aww s***, i take that can't trust anyone, well atleast i cant. its nothing personal to anyone in particular, i have just learned over the course of my life, that no one is trust worthy...not even myself. but's like, all of the people i know have these relationships, that probably arent all good all the time, but i still know they are in love and stuff. thas real messed up how im out here sweet as apple pie, but nobody wants a slice! i mean, ofcourse people want a slice and all, but their approach is all wrong. maybe my soul mate and i have already had our chance be together and i messed it up. i will always wonder though...i just hope that one day in the near future, i can meet somebody who is just right for me, and he will litteraly sweep me off my feet...but until then, i guess i have to suffer and be alone.

this single life is truly not for me...i use to think it was, but now i know that i am meant to be in a relationship..and someone deserves to be in a relationship with me! i just wanna be happy...and having to juggle around like 5 or 10 boys at a time is just not for me. it was always too crazy and hectic for me. i know boys and girls do it all the time, but it seems like a lot to do. and then there's always gonna be that one jelous one, and one who thinks that they are the only's just too much for me. im not saying i want to tie somebody down for life up in here, just be with me when you're with me.
I dont know if i'm even makin sense to anybody out there, but i'm just sayin whats on my mind right now...well alright, i suppose i am done for now, so if you do not know, then please...ask someone! thank you darlings!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

everybody has a dream. everybody knows what they would ultimatley like to end up with. be it family, relationship, career, spirituality...whatever. but how often do our wildest dreams come true? not that often if you really look at how most of the poeple in this world are just straight up depressed about their lives. it is a misconception that people have no choices in what they seemingly "have to do", however, there is always another choice out there. if something is not making us happy, then why do we do these things when we could be doing something else? i know it sounds like totally cliche' and all, but we really do only live once. we are only young once...there will only ever be one june 28, 2006! and then when it is over with, that is it, we cannot go back or change anything that we did on that day. just like we cant go back and change anything we have done so far in our lives. so i suggest that we al look at it like this...what is done is done. if by somehow we can sorrect a small mistake that we made in the past, then do so, but if there is nothing you can do to take back something you've done or said, then just learn from it and move on. if there's one thing that i cant stand, its people who dwell on the past like the can actually change something. also, try not to hold others accountable too much for things that they have i always say though, you can forgive, but never forget! i mean, dont be stupid about it...if yo man cheated in the past with his ex, you would be a fool to let him go over her house right? i'm just sayin like if they did something like went to jail for something like grand theft auto (i don't know how they'd be out by then tho), but yeah, you cant just be wondering about him all the time if he's thinkin about stealin a car or what not, that's real messed up aint it? you wouldn't want somebody judgein you all the time now would you?
but anyhow, like i was saying about living for the moment, there are many things that i would like to do with my life, and some people do look at me crazy when i name off all of the things i want to do...but i do however, completleyplan on doing all of them before i die, because after i die, i wont have a chance to do them anyways. that is why i just do what i want basically, throw caution to the wind if you will, because i mean, what the heck, why not?
some people look at my life and think that i may be throwing it away with these silly dreams of mine, and that i need to start thinking about the those people i say, you are absolutley right! i do need to be thinking bout my future. but guess what, i have enough faith to do what it is that i want to do and not have regrets about it afterwards. some may call it what they want, but if it is making me happy, then why sholdn't i be doing it ya know? i think everybody should live like that, but hey, who am i to be trying to tell people how to live? but yeah tho, do what you want people, dont feel like you have to be restricted by anything; age, race, finances, or anything, just do it (like nike, lol). but yeah tho my people, just have fun with life, don't let it stress you out. And always remember to have faith, and i you dont know, u betta ask somebody, holla!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

well, since i guess i can put pictures on here again now for some strange reason, so i'm just gonna say somthing right quick...i love everyone! no for real, i really do love everyone. i may not express it all the time in the same conventional way, but i just want everyone to know that i love them. despite what i may act like, despite how you all act towards me...i just love you!
you should know this, so you dont have to ask anybody,lol!
everbody...i just wanted to share another song that i wrote a while's kinda of lil john inspired, lol...and it has some cussin in it, but i beeped it out tho. This song is called get crunk:

hundred dollar bills yall, chrome grillz yall,
wishin yall was gangsta, but you a wanksta.
can a n**** get low, let a chick know,
wanna get a dime peice, aint woth a penny boy.
ridin through the hood yo, wit my top down,
lettin all the fellas know, how i gets down,
gonna go to the club, and do a two step,
and that's all i gotta do, so get ya lips wet

get crunk what (8x)

while you up in the club get loose,
shake that s*** this aint no F***in mutha goose
bounce that a** up and down till you can't no mo
and make it wobble ho,
and get crunk wit it
get crunk wit it

need a man to please me, not a decieve me,
only one girlfriend, not two or three,
show me how he hustle, what it do babe,
he stay on the grind and, make my body shake,
when im gettin crunk tho, back that a** up,
dip it down low, bring it back slow,

get crunk what(8x)

while you up in the club get loose,
shake that s*** this aint no F***in mutha goose,
bounce that a** up and down till you cant no mo
and make it wobble ho,
and get crunk wit it
get crunk wit it

(rap from somebody famous)


but yeah tho, that was a little song from me to all you club shakers! and if you dont know, u betta ask! somebody!

For me to have total impact on this blog, i do believe that i should write it in red. red is the color of fire, passion, hot...ness. and yes people, that is exactlly what i will be talkin about today. sex (and other things that are often associated with the topic).
first off, i would like to say that i thnk that sex is highly overratted as a form of taboo in our society. i mean, it is a part of life people...a very imporatnt part of life...the procreatin part actually! most people would agree with me if i said that the main purpose of sex in the whole first place is the procreation of life (giving birth), and the secondary is for pleasure (if your doin it right,lol). as we look at things that involve sex, we should always keep this in mind. i have a cousin who is a couple months younger thatn me with 2 children (which will remain nameless for privacy and stuff), and my younger krista just gave birth to her first child about 2 months ago, and to tell you the truth, i think that after Angela's first baby, they both knew what they were getting into. i even observed when Angela had her first baby how krista would say 'awww, i want one!' they would both laugh, but my sister being the promiscous bob that she was, i kinda knew in my heart that she wasn't too far off from having one of her own. that is why when my family told me, i was not surprised not one bit (i just wasn't sure who the father was, and niether was she). anywho, on to another touchy subject, STD's and what not. now that whole situation is just straight up nasty to me. how can a person just be out there in the world with all them diseases and still be tryin to have sex up out here? first off, i thought it would be uncomfortable to have sex with a std anyways, much less just looking at some of them, ewww! i can somewhat understand how people can get caught up in the moment and not want to mess up a flow with all the talk about 'umm, so have you been tested?' im not even gonna lie, that is a huge turn off. but it i your responsibility to be checkin to see if these people that you are about to bang are being checked out.
you must admit, this world is a pretty darn crazy place to be tryin to have sex with all of these seemingly horendous side effects, but bringing me to my other point of discussion, it can be good know what i mean, know what i mean!! lol...
but seriously tho people.
i was raised in one of those households where sex was strictly forbidden!! until marriage that is...
and that is how i thought about it for the longest of times, until...
i really dont know what exactly turned my point of view around, but it has been completley turned around to the point of no return actually.
to make a long story short, i was sort of a nympho at one time (or so i thought)
i was thinking like a man for goodess sake! all i could think about was sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, and sex in the shower. i thought about positions, foreplay, after play, role play, the music i would play...i dreamnt about it alomst ever night, and day dreamed about it during the day. i dont know why i thought like that, but it was so for about a year.
the bad thing about it... i had a boyfriend and every thing right? but it was like, whatever i did, he would not do it to me! i was so confused. i always thought that whenever i wanted to, there would be someone there who would be willingto do it with me, but oh how wrong i was! everything i did was a lost cause. we would be over his house practiacally alone (i say practically because his parents a little brother were upstairs all the time, but they hardly ever bothered us). i would always ask him when we were going to do it and stuff, and he would beat around the bush...i would lay down next to him and ask him to help me unsnap my bra for goodness sake, but did he give in? hell no! i mean we did "other stuff", but not as far as i would have liked to go.
for various reasons however, we did not work out for too long after that...too bad though because i really loved him, but whatever...
anyhow, that summer after we broke it off, i just had to have it from somewhere, and you better believe i found somebody who gave it to me. even though i had never done anything all the way ( i sound so teen movie,lol) but anyways, all the way, it did not feel any different to me. i felt the same, i guess that is how boys do it, so i guess i have the sex drive of a boy! but anywho, i did it as much as possible without trying to get the other person to fall to hard for me...but i mean look who we're talkin about, ofcourse they fell for me! but yeah though, after i really got to know the person i was doing, i thought about it like, i dont want to do it with them anymore, what am i thinking?? i cant just be doin this! so thats when i cut him off...he is still a good friend tho, but the next person i decided on doing it with better share my last name!
or so i thought...
it is now summer once again, and i am having those same feelings i had last summer,
and now....
i have those same fellings that i had...
so in short, i do believe that sex is just something that people do, like play basketball! with everything we do in life there are risks, i dont know why people are mainly talking about sex. for me though, i know not what the future holds anymore, so if i do have those feelings again, i think it is better to release them, rather than be miserable holding it in, right? if you have a different view though, let a negro know, until then, if you dont know, then u better ask somebody! 1

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

i suppose no more pictures it is, your just gonna have to look at the few pictures i did put on here...
Any who, what's up peoples, i have been at work all day stressin out with this b****es comin in here trying to complain to me like i am just coustomer service all up in through, when actually, im not ok, so like, take it some where else people. but yeah, they just got me a little bit mad today with all of that stressful nonsense. which made me think about those times i had when i use to argue with people in those coustomer service positions at certain place. yeah, one day i was at the store where i got my cell phone from, and i was with my friend, and i was like goin off on those people cuz my phone was goin crazy and stuff. but it really wasnt their fault, but i did not care, i just wanted to go off on somebody...but in the end i did get another phone (which is now actin a fool, but that is a different story). but yeah, i'm really sorry i did that now because i know how it is to be in their shoes, and from now on, i will really try to stay focused on the fact that i am not mad at the people at the store themselves.

on another note though, not a lot of people know that i have been writing music and lyrics for about 3 years now. yes it is true, my love of music runs very deep in every aspect, and i would just like to share a song that i wrote like last summer or something. its called 'over our love':

me and you will always be one
i remember just how it all begun
but sometimes when i think about the past
the more, i think i, knew that it wouldn't last
still i cant help but thnk about us
and all those times when i couldn't get enough
the way i feel for you will always be the same
even, if i know, you were the one to blame

my heart belongs to you and i'm trippin
the love we shared was so deep, still is
i know, you might not care even for a minute
but im still trippin, trippin
over our love

just a minute boy dont run off
i have a lot more feelings to confess to you
see when we broke it off i wasn't ok
but i just couldn't give in and say i need you
but now i realize i miss you so much
couldn't get you out my mind if i wanted to
so just know today, that my heart is true,
i'll never get over me and you,

my heart belongs to you and i'm trippin
the love we shared was so deep, still is
i know, you might not care even for a minute
but i'm still trippin, trippin
over our love

it's really hard to say
(it's really hard to say)
when you reaally don't know how to say
(when you really dont know how to say)
i know that lovin you is wrong, and i been wrong for so long
i dont wanna be right, i dont wanna fight anymore...
no no no oh

my heart belongs to you and i'm trippin
the love we shared was so deep still is, i know
you might not care even for a minute
but i'm still trippin, trippin
over our love

but yeah, that was a little song i had wrote, tell me what you think about ok people!
well alright, i guess that's is for right now...that song had enough truth for me,lol...
but in case you still dont know, you betta ask somebody!

Monday, June 26, 2006

I dont know whats wrong with this freakin thing right now, but i cant upload a picture right now...however, hello everyone, this is my first post of the day and stuff so yeah...expect nothing less than the truth, no different from any other day...for real...

Now they say all men are dogs...

ladies, we are too! we cant mearely discrimintae and solely put all the blame on these triffling men, because in fact, sometimes, maybe more often, do the same ole' s*** that they do. however it is just human nature that we critisize others about the same things we dislike in ourselves. just like me for example. i absolutley hate it when people cut me off when i am talking about something...i mean like what the f*** yo?? i just really can not stand that at all. but under close observation one day when i was talking on the phone with one of my friends, all i found myself doing was cutting him off and stuff...and i was like dang...i'm sittin up here gettin mad at everybody else in the world who does these same things that i do to people...what kinda monster am i???
anywho, all i'm sayin is, before we are so quick to talk about how men do us wrong, cheat, lie, have a whole nother (is that a word?) lifestyle and stuff, we should examine how we treat men. now i dont mean all ladies treat their men just as equally bad as all other men treat women, but we all know what we have done in the past, and i say judge not, least ye be the lord that is.
in saying all of that, this message goes out to both sexes:
we need to stop treating the poeple who we love like the people who have hurt us in the past. let the past be the past and stay in the past. some of us are also missing out on our chances at happiness by trying to play by all the rules and, didn't you all watch that movie two can play that game?? love has no rules people!! you cant help who you love! love is stronger than age, race, color (that's the same thing as race isn't it?), values, beliefs, personal morals, anything...

but you know what i am trying to say people...once you find someone that you truly click with and connect with on such a deep level that nothing else matters to you, hold on to them, and dont be tryin to still be a player and have other people on the side and stuff, cuz like, that's not even right you know? also dont feel like just because you're young you can't settle down wit no freakin body...i hate when people are like that...'oh baby gurl (or boy), i really like you and all, but i'm just tryin to do me right now, you know what i'm sayin? im mean, we can still chill right?' hell no! thas bold man...i dont understand why people would f up a chance to be in a relationship just because they think it might be something else more better out there. Nobody is perfect (i mean some people be thinkin that they are perfect, and i mean they can think that and all, but come on now...really their not). do not throw away something irreplacable (spelling?) just because of a scratch...thats real stupid. i just wish people would think about these things before they make decisions that just straight mess them up.
but yeha though people. That is a little bit how i feel about that situation, so you can take it and plant it in your soul, water that s***, let it reproduce and what not, or you can throw it away with any shreads of decency that you may have left...but before you make the decision, think long and if you didn't know, now you know...and if you still don't know, then you better ask somebody!

oh yeah, and about my grammer, punstuation, spelling a nd what not...the truth has no restrictions, know what i mean? i just type what i feel, and it just flows, ya know? so if you cant handle it, then dont!

Sunday, June 25, 2006

well people, before i get off of work today, i thought i would leave you with one more of my beautifully written posts...beautifully written, not quite sure about, but post, that it is!

i was watching the queens of comedy last night, and that s*** was so funny...especially when sommore came on (she is my favorite one). now she did cuss a lot which is something i dont do (despite that bleeped out s-word i used earlier...doesnt really count), and she also talked about sex alot (which is somthing that i have no problem with at all (infact that might be my next entry topic)). anywho, she just had me rollin all night long, and i really think that everyone should go out and get them a copy of the queens of comedy and watch sommore's part. oh, oh! especially the part where she talks about how if stevie wonder was her husband he would only have one outfit and everyday she would tell him he sharper than a mutha f***....lmao (for the record, the abbreviation doesnt count either :)
but yeah though, funny stuff, funny stuff....
the only part that irritated me just a little bit was when mo'nique (or however the hell she spells that s***) started talkin about how skinny girls (or bit**es) are evil and all...and i was like, what the f***? now i know she big and erthang, but come on now mo! you know how it is to be talked about because of the way you look...and she is doing the same thing to skinny people. does she really think that everybody whos skinny wants to be skinny? some people have no choice! i mean, you eat and eat and eat some more...the you just sit down all day, you dont excersize, but your still a size 1!! its not our fault i tell ya...its not our fault!!!!
but yeah though, on the real, ijust think thats very mean on here part...she dont know me!
thats just a little truf for that a** yall...and if you dont know, you betta ask some d*** body!

lol...for me not to cuss, i sho do cuss a lot...

too close-next
sittin up in my room-brandy
full moon-brandy
hips dont lie-shakira
la totura-shakira
rock your body-justin timberlake
like i love you-justin timberlake
hustlin-rick ross
git it-ying yang twins
holla at me baby-dj khalid
why you wanna-t.i.
breakdown-mariah cary
do it to it-cherish
cater 2 u-destiny's child
girl-destiny's child
pump it-black eyed peas
just a friend-mario
fell in love with a girl-the white stripes
blue orchid-the white stripes
whip it-devo
tearin up my heart-nsync
country grammer-nelly
temperature-sean paul
get busy-sean paul
check on it-beyonce
4 ever-lil mo
no matter what they say-lil kim
nasty girl- notorious b.i.g
dont trip-trina
i'm in luv with a stripper-t-pain
girl tonite-twista
im a slave for you-britney spears
go on without you-shirley murdock
light ya a** on fire- the neptunes

these are a couple of songs in my playlist at work. they do not have all of my favorite songs on there, but they have a good majority of them. i just love music. it is the love of my life. i belive that music is the key to life, liberty, and the pursuit of my own personal happiness. i dont know what i would do if someone were to take my precious music away from me. another thing that i just love, almost as much as music is dancing. even though i am slim, i still know how to put it on ya. and if poke comes to stab, i might just have to break out a routine!
i am happy that i am who i am. i believe that i am my own best friend. it is too bad that people on this earth treat others the way they do...with inconsideration. i may have my share of faults as far as treating everyone fair and stuff, but i think i do a pretty good job about caring about other peoples feelings, sometimes even more than my own...
i was thinking about something the other day...two people are in a situation where one has to die in order for the other to live. the two people love each other and supposedly "don't want the other to suffer". one person says, 'o.k., i will die so you can live', because they think they are saving the other person. but then i thought, how selfish that person must be!
hear me out though...death is not the worse of the two punishments. people often think of death as "oh, its so horrible, its awful..ugghhh, ohhh, oo, aaah!" when in actuality, if you have lived your life the way you should have (no matter what religeon), you should have a very happy after life. the other person however, must live the rest of their miserable life thinking of how they lived so their love could die. think about it...
as i said people...nothing but the truth here...and if you dont know...then you better ask somebody.....



"If it ain't brown..."

"If you ain't got a car, we ain't goin far!"

"If you ain't got the money, i can't be your honey!"

"If you ain't ballin', I might not be callin!"
fellas, you get the idea!! -Bretony/Eb

"Hey girl, my boy said can he get yo number"
-boys everywhere i go

"What you want gurl, I got you..."
-my hoes

"whateva, whateva ..." -Jill Scott

"let there be light"
"Amen" -God

"I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."
-Alfred Tennyson

"The perfection of wisdom, and the end of true philosophy is to proportion our wants to our possessions, our ambitions to our capacities, we will then be a happy and a virtuous people."
-Mark Twain

"Bretony, turn that music down!!"
- my momma

"Turn that music down!!"
- my R.A's

"Turn that music down!!"

Jammin on tha one!!
-? (but it's hype tho!)

"Is this chicken or fish?"
-Jessica Simpson

"That's hot"
- Paris Hilton

"shit on shit and fuck on fuck"
-my grandma

"I didn't know he had a girlfriend!"

"Everybody is crazy. Your dad is insane, your mother is out of her mind, and your grandmother is on th verge of running down the streets naked and screaming from the top of her lungs. You should write a book."
-my auntie

"She's no you"
-Jesse McCartney

"Bretony, we gotta get up and go to breakfast!"
"Bretony, it's 11:45!" (when we both have to be at class at 11:45)
- Whitney White

This aint no......up in here"

"You good...2 me... right now"

"It's easy mmm-kay!"
-Mr. Mackay (lmao)

I heard this from my friend who said it was on a radio show:
"Today's word of the day that is often misused by black people is domineering; as in 'Hitler was a very domineering ruler.', not as in, ' Ooh gurl, did you see the mayor's new domineering?' " lmao

" You can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter!"
-Strawberry Sweetcake

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeell, Cartman's mom is a big fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world..."
-South park the movie song

"Get outta here..."

"Man fuck that hoe!"

"Ooh she bad!"
- Tallness (Darius)

"We shicet like quite ice T, get it, shhh ice T!"
-russel and tav

"Just push the button and the door will open for you!"
-me (talking about the handicap buttons that automatically open doors, but to me, it's a metaphor for life!)

-Naomi Campbell

Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. it is such a debatable topic in society today. that is why i dont even touch it. if you think im cute, fine. if you think im fine, slammin'. if you think i'm beautiful, then thank you very much...
but i know that however good i think i look to my self and a few other people, i know there are others out there who think that i am...dare i say it...ugly! i know, i know...such a horrible thought to ponder. needless to say, i do have my moments of doubt about my own physical attributes. at times i wish i was just a little bit "bigger". but then i thik of all the situations i wouldnt have been able to get myself into if it weren't for me being the size that i am.
i have come to accept that evryone has flaws. nobody is perfect, and if you think they are, they aren't people...they've just had more work done than the rest of us. and another thing, pictures lie.
yes it is true.
if you see a dynomite picture of someone all dolled up and pretty in pink, think of all the digital, special effects, photography skills, lighting, make-up, and whatever else actually went into making it look presentable. do you think that is how these people look when they wake up in the morning?? hell no!
i always say (well, i never actually said it before, but im gonna start), a person looking their ugliest is actually their truest. absolutley...
and if you dont know, then you better ask somebody...
Hello all! My name is Bretony. And I will be telling you all the things that I tell only myself, a few close friends, my family, people at my job, and anybody else I meet. Well i guess it's not that exclusive. However, the purpose of this whole thing is to get myself out here in this world and just speak some truth that i do believe everyone should be exposed to. i really wish I had a web cam, or some equivelent so everyone can see my pretty face and actually hear how i sound when I speak the truth so you can really get the impact, know what I mean? but until i get some money, this will be the way for me.....
i am at work right now, as i guess i will always be at work typing, because at my house (which isn't really my house), we do not have the internet anymore. but i guess it's ok, since i am the manager at my job. and im only 19. and im single. but that is another story for another day. but yes, this was just an introduction. i will speak some more truth to you all people very shortly. most likely in like an hour,lol...
but seriously though, look out for me. i am going straight to the top