Saturday, September 30, 2006
To whom it may concern:
Hello, my name is Bretony McGee, and I have been having the problem that I currently have for about 8 months now. I have been writing letter after letter, but still I keep getting denied, however, I must continue to try, for I have no other choice. I will try to explain once again to the best of my ability because I would really like to resolve this problem once and for all.
My life has really been a whirlwind of disaster over these past months, and I believe that I have been doing everything available to me at the allotted time in order for me to still live a functional life. My problems took a turn for the worst when I was informed by Wayne state that I would not be able to return to the dorm rooms for the winter 2006 semester. Even though I was not able to return to the dorm rooms, I was not aware that I would also not be able to register for classes either. This put a whole new spin on my situation, because before I was living at the dorm room, I was staying at a different house every night, and didn’t know where my next meal was coming from, so to think of me going back to that lifestyle did not sit well with me. Every additional loan I tried to get to cover my remaining balance I was denied because I was either too young, or did not have enough credit history. My parents could not have helped at all because they disowned me, so I did not even talk to them since I got into college all by myself. Whenever I would go to the financial aid department, they kept saying there was nothing they could do, and that I could try to get my parents to help me get a loan. I kept trying to say that there was no way that I could do that, and they just said, "sorry." In addition to that, I was in a very bad relationship that "physically wore me out". Most days I woke up too weak to even get out of bed.
After I was kicked out of the dorm rooms and not able to register for any classes, I began living form house to house again, all the while still trying to find someway in heaven for me to get back into college, as well as find a job. I began living out of one small suitcase, and decided to do anything I could to get some kind of money, even if it included selling my body. God was good enough to let me find a job babysitting so I could try and save up enough money to pay off my balance so I could finally return. I payed $60 on it, which was all I could afford to do at the time, but it seemed like there was no way I could afford to pay it all off and still try to live. So then I thought that maybe it was a good idea that I didn’t live, since my life was so terrible. I attempted to take a number of pills to end my misery once and for all but was unsuccessful. Luckily, I am still alive today, I believe God had a plan for my life.
My problems however did not end there. My friend luckily gave me a job at his store where I began working 10 hours a day and 7 days a week. I began to make a sufficient amount of money doing this, but had little time to sleep, much less eat. I suffered from exhaustion and nausea most of the time, but I kept on working. The first thing I began to pay was my credit card bills that I used to eat with and live off of. After I began paying off my $2,000 credit card bills, I received notices from 2 student loan lenders that I borrowed from in the fall saying that since I was not in school anymore, my payments would start being due. This was not good news for me. But I kept on anyways. I got to the point where I was able to rent a small apartment for very cheap, so I finally have a place to live, but still no car, so I have to walk to work everyday. I have saved up enough money in order for me to pay off my balance (minus the cancellation fee from winter 2006), but anything more than that would take to long, and by that time registration would be closed again. I don not know if I can emotionally or physically take anymore let downs this year. I am already half crazy by trying to do everything that I possibly can to just live my life that would be so much easier if I had some help from someone.
I am asking for your help today. Whoever you may be, I know that it would be nothing to you but a flick of your pen, but to me, it means either life or death (literally life or death, I am emotionally unstable, but can not afford to see a doctor). I am aware that the cancellation fee has not been waived for anyone ever in life, however, there is a first time for everything right? Besides, I am sure no case was even close to as extreme as mine. They were probably some rich white kids who forgot to pay or something, but me, it is way more serious. I’m sure you all would sleep much better at night knowing that you helped out at least one poor girl who had a dream and did not give up on it. Please do not be responsible for the possible death of such a promising individual, moi. It would be greatly appreciated and forever acknowledged. I hope that this is not the last time you....or anyone else for that matter...will hear from me again.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
hay you guys, i haven't written in a while because a lots of stuff has been goin down...mostly me trying to squeeze in some sleep whenever i can , but being unsuccessfull ( ooh dang, i think i used too many s's in that last word just then)...and i'm hungry! (but whats new about that).
anyhow people, i have been doing some thinking about life and stuff i guess. me and my friend whitney played MASH to find out how our lives would turn out. mine turned out pretty good and whitney's was pretty bad, lol...but i guess you cant really depend on a MASH game to determine your actual future, even though it did seem pretty accurate to me! i began to think about college...waste of time? waste of money? sometimes...i think it really is those things yall! like seriously. i know that there are people out there who think they need college to be succesful (dang i hate that word), or for something to fall back on in life, and that may be all well and dandy, but i do know people who have been to college, got degrees, and they sittin up here beggin for money on the corner of woodward and 75!, i also know many people who didn't finish college, and are driving lexus trucks (and no they are not drug dealers!) that is why some people say that college is not for everyone, and the more that i think about it, it may not be for me. now some people who see this are going to take it how they take it, and that is just fine with me, however, in the end you just have to let me make my own desicions and let me deal with the outcome whatever it may be...uh yeah...lol.
then i started thinking again ya know, and i thought that i should probably just go to college anyways so i can get a college experience, because according to some people, college is fun, and i have not been exposed to the fun part yet, so maybe, i can go and it will be a good experience. the problem with that is, the college that i am partially enrolled in now is lame as spilled milk, however, my grades were not exactly the greatest. so this is what i ultimatley came up with for my plan:
I am going to pay off my entire balance, go a semester, since i do have an apartment and everything, apply to another college, a more hype college, and apply for scholarships to that college as well, meanwhile, making my grade point average a little higher so i cna transfer to a better and hyper collge easier and stuff. all the while, i will be working and whatnot in order to save up to do the things i need to do while im in college and not have to declare bancruptcy up in this peice, ya know what i mean? yeah tho. but anyways, i guess that is a decent plan for right now, but like i may have said in a previous post, my main goal in life is to have fun and enjoy everything i am doing, and to have no regrets and stuff like that. but yeah tho, that is all i have to say about that subject right now.
i was also gonna say something about another topic i was thinking about. it's about love,lol...but seriously tho. do you think that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? i mean i kinda do, but on the other hand, it's like, what the heck it feels so bad to lose something that you had a perfect hold on. and you cant just go back in time and change things. you cant say things that you meant to say, you cant do things that you meant to do...you cant change anything! you just have to move on and eternally live with the fact that you didn't. and that has to hurt. but then if you have never loved at all, you wouldn't have any of the god memories either. any of the sweet things that you experienced, any of the feelings that came over you, anything, nothing at all. which is also a horrible feeling. so me myself am torn in between the two. i really dont know. but i guess ultimatley i have to live with the fact tht the thing i loved....was indeed lost....and i dont know how it would feel to have never loved at all...so i really cant compare the two.
oh well, you live, you learn, and then get luv's! lol, whew, right over your heads there i know...however, it is my time, i must depart now, adios mi amigos!
Friday, July 21, 2006
the people of the facebook administration are some haters up in here because they are trying to make me not share my blog with the world!! this is not spam okay!! clearly it is not. when people are telling the truth, it is never spam.....ya bitches! anywho, i guess my account has been deactivated for a mionute, so i will just have to make due....even though i cant look at my pictures nomore (they are being held hostage on facebook) and i cant talk to my friends no more in that way, but it's cool, haters always lose out in the end, and the prosporous shall flourish all up and through...so to all the haters out there in the world, keep on hatn', it just makes me try harder. THANK YOU!!! damn!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
you know something people...i am really starting to believe that I give people more than they deserve. i mean, i really do tho. i think that it is called being too nice. but im not too nice tho. im not mean, but i am definatley not nice. i guess it's just that, i love my friends, but sometimes i dont think they love me like i love them. even if they let me down, i still feel like i have to come though with all of my promises i made them and stuff. its kinda hard to explain about this situation, but yeah tho...oh well, that subject is making me mad, so on to more important matters...i'm hungary!!! and tired and bored at work yet again. but ya know, what can i really do? well, actually, what can't i do?? one very misconcieved notion about life is that we are only having as much fun as we are letting ourselves have...our biggest obstacles, are nothing but ourselves. i mean really, who stops us from doing exactly what we want (except for the police)? when people go to a party and say, 'man that s*** was weaker then hell!'
think about why it was weak...beacause one person decided to themselves that it was weak and that they weren't even gonna try to make it hype. this set off a chain reaction to everyone else at the function as to say that nobody else thinks this is hype, so i guess i dont either.
now let's look at this situation in another light...the same person saw the same party as it was, but instead, they said 'man this party is hype!' thus in thier mind, they belived that things were more "happening" if you will, and producing more effort by engaging their surrounding counterparts into a seemingly "fun" or "hype" activity involving all around them. and humans being the following creatures that they are will automatically go with the majority of the bunch, even if they doubt it at all...see, people are so predictably...GOT DANG! I just looked at the clock yall, and i got like mutha f*in 9 more hours in this peice which is like not even funny at all... well, i guess it's all up to me how i spen those remaining 9 hours, i mean, i am here all by my dern self up in here...my friend who works with me don gon to cedar point with her boyfriend, and his friend, and his girl, and some more people. oh well, i dont care, it doesnt matter to me at all. nope. not one little itty bitty bit. nope. not at all. no sir bob...
but um yeah.
another thing i wanted to talk about right now is why people lie to themselves? it has been a mystery to me for so long, but before i get into that, i would just like to say to everyone out there who thinks i am telling the truth about real issues that we have all been thinking about, and if your thinking that i myslef am not guilty of some of the things that i accuse others of, i would just like to let you know that i am. i am by far not perfect, nor close to it. i try to be though, and in order for me to do that, i must expose my faults as the true disgust that i have for them. in saying that, i will continue talking about people who lie to themselves. now these people are the ones who go through life in such a facadeical (might not be a word and you might not understand, but its like the only thing that half way describes it, okay!) manner, to which they actually belive the lies they tell others about themselves. now the lies that these people tell themselves can range from..."oh girl i am too cute today!", to "i don't love him!" but you see people, when we tell ourselves and others these lies, we are only hurting ourselvs...nothing good can ever come from lies...nothing!! sure people do not want to ever hear the awful truth, but sometimes it is oh so nessecary to your life! i myself am sometimes guilty of this awful crime against myself. sometimes i tell myself that i am matching, when in actuality...no, not at all. i tell myself that i have it all figured out and i know exactly where i am going in life....nope, sorry yall, i really dont. i also lie to myself and say that i am not lonley, and i do not need love...or someone who loves me, or a boyfriend...when in actuality...i want all those things! i mean, i can understand that we tell ourselves that we dont want these things because we do not think that are an attainable goal for the time being. just like me...right now, i think that it is highly unlikely that i will find someone who can love me like i want to be loved and stuff like that...who i will think is just perfect in everyway, and that we are perfect for each other. see, it's s*** like that yall! it hurts to hear the truth! that i really don't have all that stuff that i so despratley want but just cannot seem to aquire! oh well, God does indeed have a plan for little Bretony, that is on thing that is the truth that i am not afraid of hearing. i just hope that i see this plan sooner than later.
there was something else that i wanted to talk about, but i forgot...but um yeah, if anybody does have any topics that they want me to talk about...don't be shy yall! i will talk about pretty much anything, and you know it will be the truth...if u dont know how to get in touch, you betta ask somebody!!
Monday, July 17, 2006
what about your friends?? are they gonna stand around? are they gonna let you down? tlc said it best people...i always have had a sort of love/hate realationship with a lot of my friends. now if you are one of my friends who are reading this, then don't take it personal, because I'm probably not talking about you specifically, it's probably another friend (cough...tell em what they wanna hear...cough)lol, but yeah tho. i feel like no body really appreciates the friendships that they have until they are either gone, or threatened. i also believe that people often take others for granted. that is also true about boyfriend girlfriend relationships too. people think that just because they already have someone, that they are gonna be there all the time, and that they are always gonna be doing things that they have always done, when that is simply not the case. it is true that when peolpe think they have something, that they dont really think about it too much until they need to use it, and even then, they think nothing of using it...but oneday, when that thing that you think you have is either, broken, lost, or unable to do the things it use to do for you, you think about how you abused the time that you had with that thing...how you could have been using your time with that thing a little more wisely, a little more, caringly...and little more lovingly. a very true statement that someone once said is that you never really miss something until it's gone. well, why does it have to be like that? why cant we miss, yet still have? where is the love people? where is the mother freakin love?? huh? i have a lot of wishes, i know, but one that i do really wish for all mankind is for us to be more appreciative and thought full about the other things in our life that do not directly concern ourselves...in other words...why are we so selfish? when was the last time we did something for someone else? when was the last time we thought about how the other person is feeling? have we listened to thier side of the story, and is it reasonable? there are just so many questions that really i need to know the answers to right now about us human folk. im tellin you yall, psychology is a real muther (of al studies that is)!
i mean, in actuality, sometimes i am not considerate of others, but more often than not, i am almost always thinking of someone else...how they feel, what they think, if they would be mad or not...and then it's just like...what the heck? is anybody else doing this?? where are all the good/kind hearted people at? where my girls at? from the front to back? but most importantly...where are all the good men at??? lol
no, like seroisly on that one...
well, i guess that's it for me for right now, and if you dont know, ask somebody (and if you know somebody who is a good friend/man for me, lol, let a sista know!)
Saturday, July 15, 2006
hay everybody, it's me...bre...comin right back it ya with that hot fire i spit! I had too much to say yesterday, much more than i actually got out of my head to type on this page. i am really upset at how so much stuff gets lost in the translation from our actual mind, or ideas, or thought processess or whatever, out to where others can percieve it as a good idea, or 'the truth'. That is why those people who are good at expressing their thoughts and ideas are so famous...because evrybody is basically thinking the same thing for the most part (well, atleast i think so, yall just dont admit it! lol).
I mean think about it...comedians are doing nothing but telling how life is...and since we all know that it is the truth, we laugh as if to say, 'it's funny cuz it's true! ha ha ha ha' and so forth ya know? i mean, sometimes i be thinkin that i can get up there my dern self and just tell what happened to me that day, and people would be dyin (laughin that is). real talk!
you know actually, sometime i look at a lot of things like, hey i can do that, that doesnt seem as hard as some people be sayin that it look (man my english is horrible!). for instance, celebrities.
evrybody thinks (including me sometimes) that celebrities are always over exaggerating how worn out, tired, exhausted, and whatever that they are, and that they should not be complaining like that. well, this is my view on the whole thing...I believe that when in life, you work hard, you get to play harder. the reason that celebrities can afford to live the lavish lifestyles they do is because they work so hard for it, i mean harder than some of us can imagine. now i mean, it aint no slave labor, or third world country type situation, but it is hard work entertainin yall fools (i'm talkin bout america). we all think that clebrites are lavishly spending and whatnot, but we (americans) are the ones who are demanding these even greater and bigger more spectacular shows from these entertainers. a little soft shoe will not sufice anymore. no, we must have the biggest special effects in movies, the most lavish concerts in the hugest venues, we want to see which celebrity has on the most outrageous outfits, and if they dont meet our outlandish standards, then we dont want them anymore. now everyone has had economics before, or atleast should have, and like, the main principle or whatevr you call it, is where there is a demand, there must be a supply, or some stuff like that. famous people are literally forced to compete with each other.
also, i would just like to say that evrybody and they momma think that they are the next biggest thing out since sliced government cheese (including me,lol...but i really am tho!), but if you really think about it, everybody who has achieved the highest fame, are nothing like the rest of us. sure they may claim they are, 'oh i'm so normal, i'm just a normal average everyday person, dont treat me different.' , it's all bull. we watch these people because they are the best at what they do. they are either the best looking, best sining, best writing, best dancing, well, whatever they are, they are doing it to the maximum capacity. their work is their passion, their drive, and their life. when was the last time you saw michael jordan without a basketball? (well, when he wasnt retired) when was the last time you saw jay-z not rappin on somebody song (even though he is retired) when was the last time you saw dave chappelle not being funny? never. that's when. all im trying to say is, dont underestimate the amount of work that goes into the entertainment industry...every aspect of it. it really does take a lot of work because of such a high demand.
i really think that america's priorites are all f*ed up...
and if you dont know, u better ask...somebody!
thank you very much, have a blessed day all!
Friday, July 14, 2006
i do not mean to sound like just a huge dream crusher or anything like that, i am mearley giving some advice to all the wanabee's out there.
as you can probably tell though, i myself like to be different, but i have learned not to claim much of anything anymore, i just do what i do, and that is how i am going to do it. i'm not gonna say that i will be one certain thing in life, or for that matter that i wont be one certain thing. anything could happen to me to the point where i could change my mind about somthing, or my whole motivation could change. as far as me being different, well, actually, i'm not even claiming being different. i'm perfectly fine knowing that there is probably someone out there who shares alot of my tendencies and stuff (they probly aren't as cute as me though ; )
in actuality tho, no two people are exactly alike, they can just act so similar that sometimes people get confused...and cuz people be jockin.
even though i am a firm beliver in your own indivduality, i aso know that imitation is the best form of flattery...take that staement as you will everyone.
i was gonna say somethin else, but i forgot...see! thas why i need a frekin video camera. most of the time some of my best stuff gets lost in the translation of this stupid typin s***! oh well, guess you all are jus gonna have to wait for my show to come out!
please pray for me yall, and if you dont know, ask somebody (preferably me) he he he : )
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Hello all...these are the lyrics to the japanese version of part of your world from the movie the little mermaid...love that movie...love that song...and love that language! the song sounds so pretty, and i can actually sing it too! anyways, i just wanted to put it on here...it is in romaji and hiragana for all of you who are weak and dont have japanes text enscripted in your computer (lame!) but anyways, yeah...i really wish i had a video camera to record my self singin this...so tight!!
ご覧なさい 素敵でしょうよく集めたと思わない女の子はなんでも とって置くのご覧なさい 洞穴にいっぱいの宝物不思議な物ばかり シュアー なんでもある何に使うのかしらまるで分からないのこれが見たい？ ２０個あるのだけど もっと欲しい人間の国に行きたい人間は陸の上で踊るんですってあれでほら 足散歩する足が欲しい軽々と弾んで歩いていくのよどこ歩くんだっけ？道おひさま キラキラ花はいい香りがする世界あの陸の世界入れたら何でもあげるのに浜辺にいるだけでもいい私の宝を全部あげてもいいわ優しい人がいるかしら優しい人出会ったら聞いてみたいことたくさん火が燃えるって何の事誰かを 好きだと燃えるって面白いな陸の世界の一部になりたい
こうしていたい いつも笑ってる顔をみていたいそれには何をしたらいいおひさまキラキラ 歩いて走って２人きりの世界で暮らすのなぜなの 何かが始まったのいつの日か必ず あなたの おそばに
Gorannasai suteki deshou,yoku atsumeta to omowanai
onna no ko wa nandemo totte oku no,
gorannasai horaana ni ippai no takaramono,fushigi na mono bakari
SURE nandemo aru
nani ni tsukau no kashira,maru de wakaranai no
kore ga mitai? 20(nijuu) ko aru no
dakedo motto hoshii
ningen no kuni ni ikitai, nigen wa riku no ue de odorun desutte,
arede hora a-shi, sanpo suru ashi ga hoshii,
karugaru to hazunde aruite yuku no yo, doko arukun dakke? michi,
ohisama kirakiraoh, hana wa ii kaori ga suru sekai,
ano riku no sekai, hairetara nandemo ageru noni,
hamabe ni iru dake demo ii,
watashi no takara wo zenbu agete mo ii wa,
yasashii hito ga iru kashira, yasashii hito ni deattara,
kiite mitai koto takusan, askhi ga moerutte nan no koto,
dareka wo suki da to ,omoshiroi na riku no,
sekai no ichibu ni naritai...
since i live by myself tho, i have a lotta time to think about things. i was thinking about where i was exactly (well, not exactly exactly) one year ago...i had just got outta high school, no cell phone, problems at home, no car, i slept on the couch, no job, no life, no money, no man, nothing to call my own...that is a very depressing feeling when you have nothing but time to dwell on the fact that you are doing absolutley nothing with your life at all. but also along with all those negative depressing thoughts, you have positive thoughts as well...like, 'come on bret, now how the hell-o kitty are you gonna get outta this mess?' along with all those thoughts going on in my head, i could never really depend on anyone along the way.
let me intermission mystory for a minute to just let everyone out there know, that you relly can not depend on anyone other than yourself if you really want to make things happen. do you really think the negroes are lookin out for yo a**? no they are not! we are a selfish species, only a select few of us actually care about things other thatn ourselves and what involve us indirectly. if you are ever thinking about gettting something done in life, you must always, always remember the quote...if you want something done...gotta do tha s*** urself yo!
but back to the story...now that it is a year later, i am the manager at my job, my bank account is never over drawn anymore, i have 2 cell phones, (still no car, but i'm good), and an apartment to call my own. and it's only been a year. i know it may not seem like much right now to some people, but things do take time. i am very happy with the progressions i am making.
i also must say that all of this did not come from me always worrying about 'am i gonna have enough money to do this, am i gonna be strong enough to do that, can i handle living on my own'...no, it all came from faith.
thats right peps, faith is the key factor to successes. and the bad thing about it, it is a key factor that many of us lack. there are somemany people aout there restricting their abilities all because they do not belive, or they are scared of what will happen if they fail. there is another quote (i just love me some quotes,lol) that simply says "win or parish". there was a story behind it about how long ago this man...well, to tell you the truth i really forgot...but real talk, what it's basically breaking down to is, you should think about situations in terms of, 'if i really wanna do this, i should just put all that i have out there for me to succed in it, failure is not an option'. if you do not succed in the thing that you want to accomplish, then there is really nothing else to be done about that now is there? you just have to belive in yourself that you will do it.
for all of those skeptics who still think that 'oh i have to have a plan for my life, shouldnt i have a back up in case somethign doesnt work out? blah blah blah blah!' no! if you really want to do something...do it! at all costs...if there is one thing that this world has taught me, it's that the seemingly impossible is possible...i mean, thinik about it people. we are living in a world where when in the beginning, all we had was our bodies, the sun and moon, and 109 (give or take) elements on this earth that God gave us to work with....some time later, man has built sky high towers, huge space shuttles that defiy gravity, huge metroplis cities and countries...economic systems, morals, values, societal structure...and also produced humans who have overcome tremendous feats to become legends in our time...albert einstien, one of the smartest men alive, who at first was percieved as retarded...helen keller who was deaf AND blind who worte novels, amazingly gifted child prodgys who lead nations and preform classical concertos before their feet can even reach the floor, oh yeah and me ofcourse, who is destined for things even greater...
you see, that is how we have to talk to ourselves...that is what we have to think like if we are truly going to be anything worth anythign these days.
so yeah, ihoped that helped somebody, and as far as this peice of truth for today, if you dont know, ask somebody who does! k?
Friday, June 30, 2006
sometimes i wonder if its something im doing wrong...why is it that no matter what i do, no matter how good i look, what i say, wear, think about...i can not find love! i mean, not nessecarily love persay in the "actuall" sense, but just a good man that will treat me that way i would like to be treated, and look cute too. and stimulate my mind as well as...well, you know. i want someone i can talk to whenever i need to talk to the, but i dont want to feel like its an obligation, nor do i want to feel like a burden when they talk to me. i mean, i am not that metticulous about who i want to be in my life, just someone i can trust...aww s***, i take that back...you can't trust anyone, well atleast i cant. its nothing personal to anyone in particular, i have just learned over the course of my life, that no one is trust worthy...not even myself. but anyways...it's like, all of the people i know have these relationships, that probably arent all good all the time, but i still know they are in love and stuff. thas real messed up how im out here sweet as apple pie, but nobody wants a slice! i mean, ofcourse people want a slice and all, but their approach is all wrong. maybe my soul mate and i have already had our chance be together and i messed it up. i will always wonder though...i just hope that one day in the near future, i can meet somebody who is just right for me, and he will litteraly sweep me off my feet...but until then, i guess i have to suffer and be alone.
this single life is truly not for me...i use to think it was, but now i know that i am meant to be in a relationship..and someone deserves to be in a relationship with me! i just wanna be happy...and having to juggle around like 5 or 10 boys at a time is just not for me. it was always too crazy and hectic for me. i know boys and girls do it all the time, but it seems like a lot to do. and then there's always gonna be that one jelous one, and one who thinks that they are the only one...and...it's just too much for me. im not saying i want to tie somebody down for life up in here, just be with me when you're with me.
I dont know if i'm even makin sense to anybody out there, but i'm just sayin whats on my mind right now...well alright, i suppose i am done for now, so if you do not know, then please...ask someone! thank you darlings!
Thursday, June 29, 2006
but anyhow, like i was saying about living for the moment, there are many things that i would like to do with my life, and some people do look at me crazy when i name off all of the things i want to do...but i do however, completleyplan on doing all of them before i die, because after i die, i wont have a chance to do them anyways. that is why i just do what i want basically, throw caution to the wind if you will, because i mean, what the heck, why not?
some people look at my life and think that i may be throwing it away with these silly dreams of mine, and that i need to start thinking about the future...to those people i say, you are absolutley right! i do need to be thinking bout my future. but guess what, i have enough faith to do what it is that i want to do and not have regrets about it afterwards. some may call it what they want, but if it is making me happy, then why sholdn't i be doing it ya know? i think everybody should live like that, but hey, who am i to be trying to tell people how to live? but yeah tho, do what you want people, dont feel like you have to be restricted by anything; age, race, finances, or anything, just do it (like nike, lol). but yeah tho my people, just have fun with life, don't let it stress you out. And always remember to have faith, and i you dont know, u betta ask somebody, holla!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
you should know this, so you dont have to ask anybody,lol!
hundred dollar bills yall, chrome grillz yall,
wishin yall was gangsta, but you a wanksta.
can a n**** get low, let a chick know,
wanna get a dime peice, aint woth a penny boy.
ridin through the hood yo, wit my top down,
lettin all the fellas know, how i gets down,
gonna go to the club, and do a two step,
and that's all i gotta do, so get ya lips wet
get crunk what (8x)
while you up in the club get loose,
shake that s*** this aint no F***in mutha goose
bounce that a** up and down till you can't no mo
and make it wobble ho,
and get crunk wit it
get crunk wit it
need a man to please me, not a decieve me,
only one girlfriend, not two or three,
show me how he hustle, what it do babe,
he stay on the grind and, make my body shake,
when im gettin crunk tho, back that a** up,
dip it down low, bring it back slow,
get crunk what(8x)
while you up in the club get loose,
shake that s*** this aint no F***in mutha goose,
bounce that a** up and down till you cant no mo
and make it wobble ho,
and get crunk wit it
get crunk wit it
(rap from somebody famous)
but yeah tho, that was a little song from me to all you club shakers! and if you dont know, u betta ask! somebody!
first off, i would like to say that i thnk that sex is highly overratted as a form of taboo in our society. i mean, it is a part of life people...a very imporatnt part of life...the procreatin part actually! most people would agree with me if i said that the main purpose of sex in the whole first place is the procreation of life (giving birth), and the secondary is for pleasure (if your doin it right,lol). as we look at things that involve sex, we should always keep this in mind. i have a cousin who is a couple months younger thatn me with 2 children (which will remain nameless for privacy and stuff), and my younger krista just gave birth to her first child about 2 months ago, and to tell you the truth, i think that after Angela's first baby, they both knew what they were getting into. i even observed when Angela had her first baby how krista would say 'awww, i want one!' they would both laugh, but my sister being the promiscous bob that she was, i kinda knew in my heart that she wasn't too far off from having one of her own. that is why when my family told me, i was not surprised not one bit (i just wasn't sure who the father was, and niether was she). anywho, on to another touchy subject, STD's and what not. now that whole situation is just straight up nasty to me. how can a person just be out there in the world with all them diseases and still be tryin to have sex up out here? first off, i thought it would be uncomfortable to have sex with a std anyways, much less just looking at some of them, ewww! i can somewhat understand how people can get caught up in the moment and not want to mess up a flow with all the talk about 'umm, so have you been tested?' im not even gonna lie, that is a huge turn off. but it i your responsibility to be checkin to see if these people that you are about to bang are being checked out.
you must admit, this world is a pretty darn crazy place to be tryin to have sex with all of these seemingly horendous side effects, but bringing me to my other point of discussion, it can be good sometimes...you know what i mean, know what i mean!! lol...
but seriously tho people.
i was raised in one of those households where sex was strictly forbidden!! until marriage that is...
and that is how i thought about it for the longest of times, until...
i really dont know what exactly turned my point of view around, but it has been completley turned around to the point of no return actually.
to make a long story short, i was sort of a nympho at one time (or so i thought)
i was thinking like a man for goodess sake! all i could think about was sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, and sex in the shower. i thought about positions, foreplay, after play, role play, the music i would play...i dreamnt about it alomst ever night, and day dreamed about it during the day. i dont know why i thought like that, but it was so for about a year.
the bad thing about it... i had a boyfriend and every thing right? but it was like, whatever i did, he would not do it to me! i was so confused. i always thought that whenever i wanted to, there would be someone there who would be willingto do it with me, but oh how wrong i was! everything i did was a lost cause. we would be over his house practiacally alone (i say practically because his parents a little brother were upstairs all the time, but they hardly ever bothered us). i would always ask him when we were going to do it and stuff, and he would beat around the bush...i would lay down next to him and ask him to help me unsnap my bra for goodness sake, but did he give in? hell no! i mean we did "other stuff", but not as far as i would have liked to go.
for various reasons however, we did not work out for too long after that...too bad though because i really loved him, but whatever...
anyhow, that summer after we broke it off, i just had to have it from somewhere, and you better believe i found somebody who gave it to me. even though i had never done anything all the way ( i sound so teen movie,lol) but anyways, all the way, it did not feel any different to me. i felt the same, i guess that is how boys do it, so i guess i have the sex drive of a boy! but anywho, i did it as much as possible without trying to get the other person to fall to hard for me...but i mean look who we're talkin about, ofcourse they fell for me! but yeah though, after i really got to know the person i was doing, i thought about it like, i dont want to do it with them anymore, what am i thinking?? i cant just be doin this! so thats when i cut him off...he is still a good friend tho, but the next person i decided on doing it with better share my last name!
or so i thought...
it is now summer once again, and i am having those same feelings i had last summer,
i have those same fellings that i had...
so in short, i do believe that sex is just something that people do, like play basketball! with everything we do in life there are risks, i dont know why people are mainly talking about sex. for me though, i know not what the future holds anymore, so if i do have those feelings again, i think it is better to release them, rather than be miserable holding it in, right? if you have a different view though, let a negro know, until then, if you dont know, then u better ask somebody! 1
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Any who, what's up peoples, i have been at work all day stressin out with this b****es comin in here trying to complain to me like i am just coustomer service all up in through, when actually, im not ok, so like, take it some where else people. but yeah, they just got me a little bit mad today with all of that stressful nonsense. which made me think about those times i had when i use to argue with people in those coustomer service positions at certain place. yeah, one day i was at the store where i got my cell phone from, and i was with my friend, and i was like goin off on those people cuz my phone was goin crazy and stuff. but it really wasnt their fault, but i did not care, i just wanted to go off on somebody...but in the end i did get another phone (which is now actin a fool, but that is a different story). but yeah, i'm really sorry i did that now because i know how it is to be in their shoes, and from now on, i will really try to stay focused on the fact that i am not mad at the people at the store themselves.
on another note though, not a lot of people know that i have been writing music and lyrics for about 3 years now. yes it is true, my love of music runs very deep in every aspect, and i would just like to share a song that i wrote like last summer or something. its called 'over our love':
me and you will always be one
i remember just how it all begun
but sometimes when i think about the past
the more, i think i, knew that it wouldn't last
still i cant help but thnk about us
and all those times when i couldn't get enough
the way i feel for you will always be the same
even, if i know, you were the one to blame
my heart belongs to you and i'm trippin
the love we shared was so deep, still is
i know, you might not care even for a minute
but im still trippin, trippin
over our love
just a minute boy dont run off
i have a lot more feelings to confess to you
see when we broke it off i wasn't ok
but i just couldn't give in and say i need you
but now i realize i miss you so much
couldn't get you out my mind if i wanted to
so just know today, that my heart is true,
i'll never get over me and you,
my heart belongs to you and i'm trippin
the love we shared was so deep, still is
i know, you might not care even for a minute
but i'm still trippin, trippin
over our love
it's really hard to say
(it's really hard to say)
when you reaally don't know how to say
(when you really dont know how to say)
i know that lovin you is wrong, and i been wrong for so long
i dont wanna be right, i dont wanna fight anymore...
no no no oh
my heart belongs to you and i'm trippin
the love we shared was so deep still is, i know
you might not care even for a minute
but i'm still trippin, trippin
over our love
but yeah, that was a little song i had wrote, tell me what you think about ok people!
well alright, i guess that's is for right now...that song had enough truth for me,lol...
but in case you still dont know, you betta ask somebody!
Monday, June 26, 2006
Now they say all men are dogs...
ladies, we are too! we cant mearely discrimintae and solely put all the blame on these triffling men, because in fact, sometimes, maybe more often, do the same ole' s*** that they do. however it is just human nature that we critisize others about the same things we dislike in ourselves. just like me for example. i absolutley hate it when people cut me off when i am talking about something...i mean like what the f*** yo?? i just really can not stand that at all. but under close observation one day when i was talking on the phone with one of my friends, all i found myself doing was cutting him off and stuff...and i was like dang...i'm sittin up here gettin mad at everybody else in the world who does these same things that i do to people...what kinda monster am i???
anywho, all i'm sayin is, before we are so quick to talk about how men do us wrong, cheat, lie, have a whole nother (is that a word?) lifestyle and stuff, we should examine how we treat men. now i dont mean all ladies treat their men just as equally bad as all other men treat women, but we all know what we have done in the past, and i say judge not, least ye be judged...by the lord that is.
in saying all of that, this message goes out to both sexes:
we need to stop treating the poeple who we love like the people who have hurt us in the past. let the past be the past and stay in the past. some of us are also missing out on our chances at happiness by trying to play by all the rules and stuff...like, didn't you all watch that movie two can play that game?? love has no rules people!! you cant help who you love! love is stronger than age, race, color (that's the same thing as race isn't it?), values, beliefs, personal morals, anything...
but you know what i am trying to say people...once you find someone that you truly click with and connect with on such a deep level that nothing else matters to you, hold on to them, and dont be tryin to still be a player and have other people on the side and stuff, cuz like, that's not even right you know? also dont feel like just because you're young you can't settle down wit no freakin body...i hate when people are like that...'oh baby gurl (or boy), i really like you and all, but i'm just tryin to do me right now, you know what i'm sayin? im mean, we can still chill right?' hell no! thas bold man...i dont understand why people would f up a chance to be in a relationship just because they think it might be something else more better out there. Nobody is perfect (i mean some people be thinkin that they are perfect, and i mean they can think that and all, but come on now...really their not). do not throw away something irreplacable (spelling?) just because of a scratch...thats real stupid. i just wish people would think about these things before they make decisions that just straight mess them up.
but yeha though people. That is a little bit how i feel about that situation, so you can take it and plant it in your soul, water that s***, let it reproduce and what not, or you can throw it away with any shreads of decency that you may have left...but before you make the decision, think long and hard...so if you didn't know, now you know...and if you still don't know, then you better ask somebody!
oh yeah, and about my grammer, punstuation, spelling a nd what not...the truth has no restrictions, know what i mean? i just type what i feel, and it just flows, ya know? so if you cant handle it, then dont!
Sunday, June 25, 2006
i was watching the queens of comedy last night, and that s*** was so funny...especially when sommore came on (she is my favorite one). now she did cuss a lot which is something i dont do (despite that bleeped out s-word i used earlier...doesnt really count), and she also talked about sex alot (which is somthing that i have no problem with at all (infact that might be my next entry topic)). anywho, she just had me rollin all night long, and i really think that everyone should go out and get them a copy of the queens of comedy and watch sommore's part. oh, oh! especially the part where she talks about how if stevie wonder was her husband he would only have one outfit and everyday she would tell him he sharper than a mutha f***....lmao (for the record, the abbreviation doesnt count either :)
but yeah though, funny stuff, funny stuff....
the only part that irritated me just a little bit was when mo'nique (or however the hell she spells that s***) started talkin about how skinny girls (or bit**es) are evil and all...and i was like, what the f***? now i know she big and erthang, but come on now mo! you know how it is to be talked about because of the way you look...and she is doing the same thing to skinny people. does she really think that everybody whos skinny wants to be skinny? some people have no choice! i mean, you eat and eat and eat some more...the you just sit down all day, you dont excersize, but your still a size 1!! its not our fault i tell ya...its not our fault!!!!
but yeah though, on the real, ijust think thats very mean on here part...she dont know me!
thats just a little truf for that a** yall...and if you dont know, you betta ask some d*** body!
lol...for me not to cuss, i sho do cuss a lot...
sittin up in my room-brandy
hips dont lie-shakira
rock your body-justin timberlake
like i love you-justin timberlake
git it-ying yang twins
holla at me baby-dj khalid
why you wanna-t.i.
do it to it-cherish
cater 2 u-destiny's child
pump it-black eyed peas
just a friend-mario
fell in love with a girl-the white stripes
blue orchid-the white stripes
tearin up my heart-nsync
get busy-sean paul
check on it-beyonce
4 ever-lil mo
no matter what they say-lil kim
nasty girl- notorious b.i.g
i'm in luv with a stripper-t-pain
im a slave for you-britney spears
go on without you-shirley murdock
light ya a** on fire- the neptunes
these are a couple of songs in my playlist at work. they do not have all of my favorite songs on there, but they have a good majority of them. i just love music. it is the love of my life. i belive that music is the key to life, liberty, and the pursuit of my own personal happiness. i dont know what i would do if someone were to take my precious music away from me. another thing that i just love, almost as much as music is dancing. even though i am slim, i still know how to put it on ya. and if poke comes to stab, i might just have to break out a routine!
i am happy that i am who i am. i believe that i am my own best friend. it is too bad that people on this earth treat others the way they do...with inconsideration. i may have my share of faults as far as treating everyone fair and stuff, but i think i do a pretty good job about caring about other peoples feelings, sometimes even more than my own...
i was thinking about something the other day...two people are in a situation where one has to die in order for the other to live. the two people love each other and supposedly "don't want the other to suffer". one person says, 'o.k., i will die so you can live', because they think they are saving the other person. but then i thought, how selfish that person must be!
hear me out though...death is not the worse of the two punishments. people often think of death as "oh, its so horrible, its awful..ugghhh, ohhh, oo, aaah!" when in actuality, if you have lived your life the way you should have (no matter what religeon), you should have a very happy after life. the other person however, must live the rest of their miserable life thinking of how they lived so their love could die. think about it...
as i said people...nothing but the truth here...and if you dont know...then you better ask somebody.....
(FEEL FREE TO USE IN A SENTENCE TODAY)
"If it ain't brown..."
"If you ain't got a car, we ain't goin far!"
"If you ain't got the money, i can't be your honey!"
"If you ain't ballin', I might not be callin!"
fellas, you get the idea!! -Bretony/Eb
"Hey girl, my boy said can he get yo number"
-boys everywhere i go
"What you want gurl, I got you..."
"whateva, whateva ..." -Jill Scott
"let there be light"
"I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."
"The perfection of wisdom, and the end of true philosophy is to proportion our wants to our possessions, our ambitions to our capacities, we will then be a happy and a virtuous people."
"Bretony, turn that music down!!"
- my momma
"Turn that music down!!"
- my R.A's
"Turn that music down!!"
Jammin on tha one!!
-? (but it's hype tho!)
"Is this chicken or fish?"
- Paris Hilton
"shit on shit and fuck on fuck"
"I didn't know he had a girlfriend!"
"Everybody is crazy. Your dad is insane, your mother is out of her mind, and your grandmother is on th verge of running down the streets naked and screaming from the top of her lungs. You should write a book."
"She's no you"
"Bretony, we gotta get up and go to breakfast!"
"Bretony, it's 11:45!" (when we both have to be at class at 11:45)
- Whitney White
This aint no......up in here"
"You look...so good...2 me... right now"
"It's easy mmm-kay!"
-Mr. Mackay (lmao)
I heard this from my friend who said it was on a radio show:
"Today's word of the day that is often misused by black people is domineering; as in 'Hitler was a very domineering ruler.', not as in, ' Ooh gurl, did you see the mayor's new domineering?' " lmao
" You can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter!"
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeell, Cartman's mom is a big fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world..."
-South park the movie song
"Get outta here..."
"Man fuck that hoe!"
"Ooh she bad!"
- Tallness (Darius)
"We shicet like quite ice T, get it, shhh ice T!"
-russel and tav
"Just push the button and the door will open for you!"
-me (talking about the handicap buttons that automatically open doors, but to me, it's a metaphor for life!)
Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. it is such a debatable topic in society today. that is why i dont even touch it. if you think im cute, fine. if you think im fine, slammin'. if you think i'm beautiful, then thank you very much...
but i know that however good i think i look to my self and a few other people, i know there are others out there who think that i am...dare i say it...ugly! i know, i know...such a horrible thought to ponder. needless to say, i do have my moments of doubt about my own physical attributes. at times i wish i was just a little bit "bigger". but then i thik of all the situations i wouldnt have been able to get myself into if it weren't for me being the size that i am.
i have come to accept that evryone has flaws. nobody is perfect, and if you think they are, they aren't people...they've just had more work done than the rest of us. and another thing, pictures lie.
yes it is true.
if you see a dynomite picture of someone all dolled up and pretty in pink, think of all the digital, special effects, photography skills, lighting, make-up, and whatever else actually went into making it look presentable. do you think that is how these people look when they wake up in the morning?? hell no!
i always say (well, i never actually said it before, but im gonna start), a person looking their ugliest is actually their truest. absolutley...
and if you dont know, then you better ask somebody...
i am at work right now, as i guess i will always be at work typing, because at my house (which isn't really my house), we do not have the internet anymore. but i guess it's ok, since i am the manager at my job. and im only 19. and im single. but that is another story for another day. but yes, this was just an introduction. i will speak some more truth to you all people very shortly. most likely in like an hour,lol...
but seriously though, look out for me. i am going straight to the top