HAPPINESS!!

ok yall, im tired of all these depressed a** blogs i've been writing lately. my life is actually pretty good (besides being broker than a b*tch!).

i have a really nice job, most i've ever been paid hourly (aint THAT much, but its good to me!), got me a place to live, im in the greatest city ever know to man kind! i party all the time, i have pretty good friends. im doing fairly well for myself considering!

i just need to learn to be more thankfull, as do we all!! and also learn how to appreciate the little things in life...

like the bad girls club! thats my show! those girls are all freakin crazy in their own way and i love it. sometimes i wish i was on one of those group house type reality show things, but i just DONT wanna be on a reality show. can i just like do that in real life? and film it myself?i think i could produce a better show than that anyway.

i have not given up on my dreams you guys! i am still aspiring to become the tv/movie personality that i've always wanted to be, and inspire millions upon millions of people to live their life to the fullest and enjoy every second of their existence.

i wanna be something like a less vague, less wordy deepak chopra lol. i like him! and he always be walkin around new york!

a couple quick things, since i dont really tweet alot anymore:

-my dad sent me a text message saying he misses me and he said i should call. ahhhhhh!! my family misses me, what is the world coming to!

_my blackberry is shot to HECKK! i accidently threw it while i was dancing in the club one night, and now some of the main letters needed to type dont work. it freakin sucks man! i need a new phone!

-i still do not have internet OR cable at my house...and now not even a phone! so you can imagine how bored i be!

-it needs to hurry up and be summer so i can go clubbin more often! clubbin is so fun!

-why do i always use exclamations!!??

anywho, thats it for right now, im just at work, about to go home...not really in a rush, i dont have plans on this gloooorious saturday night. except to smash some food like luscious did the homies.

what about you guys? :)

i know my place....

yeap. i do. i know it now. every guy has that one special girl in their life that just takes over. no other girl compares to her. girls can go thru guys like water, and fall in love with every single one of them, but guys...when a guy falls in love? true love??? its over son. no other girl will ever compare to that girl. so its really no point in anything you do. yea they still like to have fun every now and then, and i mean hey, so do i, but at the end of the day i have to remember my place. which is nothing. i have no place. i am the fun one. not the permanant one. i am the fling, not the real thing (lmao, that kinda made me crack up a little bit...but still sad).
i am however someones special girl. "special" girl. its confusing.
i know im the highest ranking girl in their world, however, my score of 100 on his scale is actually a 50 on the global scale.
(is this making sense, or is this whole blog way vauge? ohwell!)
as most of you may know, i am a huge attention whore. i have yet to find the right mixture of attention and anti-annoyance all wrapped up in one cute little package.
i feel as if me being the highest isnt enough for him to want me the way that all the other highest ranking girls are. they get talked about. i dont. they get surprized. i dont. they cause pain. i dont. its just...not how i imagined it to be ya know.

people shouldnt let technicalities be the reason they arent together. technicality??? wtf! that means u never really wanted it right? that means that u could just take it or leave it right???

why dont rich white guys like me?? atleast if a white boy doesnt really love me i could get some cool jewelry or something. blah.

all i ever do is give. but what do i get? nada...not even love.

:(

ON MY ISLAND

if any of you out there really know me as much as you think you do, u should know that one of my many dreams and goals in life is to go live on an island. a very very primative island where i dont have to wear clothes or do my hair. i would also like to sleep in a hut and not wear shoes, and eat mainly berries and fish that i grab (or maybe not be personally, but one of the natives or somethin) and i cook it over an open flame that i start from scratch (again, not me PERSAY). it just seems like the most freeing and liberating thing ever to me. i would love to just be free. go swimming in clear blue waters all the time. i hope there are no bugs tho, cuz ew. thats why i have to pick my island very carefully. it has to be hot all year round so i can not wear clothes all year round. has to have fishies available for me (or someone else) to catch. lot of palm trees. lots of freindly animals that i can call freinds, not lions or scary crazy animals.
if any of you have ever seen that movie blue lagoon, something between a mixture of that and the island from lost.
im not sayin i wanna be stuck there, just be there for like a year. maybe 2. eh, idk. i just really wanna go and relieve my spirits. i do NOT wanna go alone. agh! i'd go freakin crazy! i get lonley in nyc! wtf! if i ever get married, i would take my husband and kids maybe if he's up for it. if not, i would take any of my friends that would want to go with me. it would be kinda like survivor hehehe. i just know it would be totally cool. just dont knw what i'd do all day. maybe i 'd blog, write a book. make some videos. pray all day. eh who knows. i just know i need to do it.

i go to the island in my dreams and stay there till i wake up. its nice there, trust me. i cant wait to go there in person. who wants to go with! :)

Hair

i cant wait till my hair grows back down to my lower back (yes bichos, it use to be down there!!). i didnt appreciate it when i had it. i didnt really know how good i had it back then. i was trying to be differant and have short hair. i was trying to be edgy or something. i was trying to be anything but myself. it seems like im always trying to be something other than myself. i find myself always thinking 'oh what if i had this...if i only had that...why dont i look like this...why cant my hair look like that??' its pretty darn sad people. i must say. but i have my perfect looks all planned out. wanna hear em?? ok! (even tho i feel like i've blogged about this before, i've updated a couple things):

i would be 5'10", bout a c cup, 24 inch waist, 38 inch hips (i think thats enough, dont want it to be TOO huge)
my skin would be like one shade darker than it is now (me with an all over tan basically)
my hair would be Middle eastern textured (i love their hair texture) down to the middle of my back (extra long hair irritates me)
really long natural eyelashes, smooth smooth, extra smooth skin with a blemish at ALL (except for my freckles on my face...only a few over my nose and under my eyes...i love freckles!!) a couple beauty marks on my back (the ones i have now will work just fine) naturally light purple eyes (i think that would be so mysterious and unique) and some nice pouty lips...

and thats all! is that too much to ask? i dont think so. i keep telling myself that one day i would probably get some surgeries to look like what i just described. but then again, a couple of the things i described were described with the word 'natural' now weren't they? so that would be kinda pointless. but then i think like, why do i always wanna change myself so much? because im not perfect. is anyone? yes, it seems like it. but they arent tho. no matter what i think. or are they?

what if i did infact try to alter myself so much to the point where im nothing like what i was before. do i really want that? because there is only gonna be one me. if i get rid of me...then thats it buddy, no more me for the world to see. and what if some of the world likes me fore exactly me? what if i was meant to be exactly who i am right now? every single blemish, every single strand of crinkley hair, both of these regular a** brown eyes? nobody else is going to have these same exact things the way i have them. what if the person im suppose to be with love me for exactly who i am? (ha)

anyways peeps, point is, i can complain all i want about what im NOT, about what i could be. so could all of you. unless you are just one of those rare freaks of nature who "loves everything about yourself" gtfoh...
i could walk on my tip toes all day trying to appear taller, i could poke my lips out and wear as much make-up and fake hair as i want trying to hide who i really am. but at the end of the day. i a who i am....for a freakin reason. instead of asking myself why me, i should be asking what reason. (those sound kinda similar, but yall know what im tryna say dang it!)

i really do dislike my hair tho, lol. i mean sometimes its cool. but its ALWAYS a lot of work. i just wanna wake up and go ya know? im all about easy.

holler back! :)
love yourselves...

p.s.

....i cannot WAIT till summer, i wanna go to a nude beach

....i miss tiwtter a litte, but blogging lets me say more

....i be havin some straaannggeeee dreams yo

What happend to human interaction?

Me and technology have a love/hate relationship. I love it for the obvious reasons that everyone loves it for, but I also hate it just as equally...if not more! I was sitting in chipotle today (so freakin good! but sooooo effin expensive, smh), and I was all by myself. i had my ipod. i had my phone, but i was alone. i was texting one of my friends while simultaneously listening to some lady gaga...but i was alone. I began to look around. Besides a few couples, a lot of the people in there were alone. I kept trying to make eye contact with this irish looking white boy who was reading a book about armageddon. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to talk to SOMEONE. i get tired of freakin texting all the time. I get tired of not talking to actual people, of being around people. who's to say we cant talk to random strangers and spark conversation just for the sake of simple human interaction?
Everyday i get on the train to come home...and silence! unless the people know each other ofcourse...silencio! everyone is doing their own thing. ipods, phones, books...so many things to preoccupy people and distract them from interaction. What ever happend to people just walking up to one another and conversing about current events, things going on, anything!

i know it seems weird, but i always hope that whenever i go out alone, someone really really cool will just start randomly talking to me. like a genuine conversation. and nooooo not no "aww ma, lemme try and holler at your for a minute because you are looking kind of fine" type of crap. that is why i try to appear so available to talk to. i stare into space alot. i try to do inquisitive things so people can inquire...ya know? i know that sounds super weird, but i mean hey.

its sad that most of my friends these days derive from online. dont get me wrong, i love all my friends and im thankfull for them, but its crazy when 90% of the time, im typing to them rather than actually talking to them or with them in person. its crazy how someone would sooner @reply me on twitter as oppose to calling me or comming over to visit. i know i know...its much more convinent. blah blah blah. but it still sucks.

i miss people.
but do they miss me?

Its truly sad that whenever i take a break from twitter i feel super lonley and less people feel the need to contact me. wtf is up with THAT??!! is twitter my freakin lifeline?? do i have no life outside of twitter? do YOU ALL have no freakin life outside of twitter? yall act like yall dont even know a ninja if im not tweetin every 5 minutes! sheesh ka bob!

idk yall, i just like talking and having INTELLIGENT (keyword, intelligent) conversations. if you have nada to say, i mean well hey, thats a differant story son. when i find someone i like to talk to, i just want to talk to them all the time. sound kinda selfish but oh wells! it be like that in the hood!

annnyyywhoooo. im out like flare leg pants. holla!! ;)

Ass-holes....smfh

Pardon my language, I really try not to use swear words...lol, I really do! But sometimes I am straight up provoked! And I can't think of any other word to describe you fake ass e-gangsta wannabe hard core thugs...than ass-holes!

The provocation of this particular blog stems from what I just witnessed via twitter...tha grammy awards. (That's right people, I didn't even watch the freakin thing, but twitter kept me in the know of every single play by play. Crazy right!?) Anywho...everything was pretty funny until the very end when apparently taylor swift won the award of album of the year over beyonce and lady gaga..amoung others. Everybody on my timeline just started goin HAM! "F*** taylor this...I hate taylor that...that b**** is lucky...why is she always so surprized?!!" Just so much hate! It was really sad to witness. I mean yea, even I personally wanted gaga to win, but I'm not bout to sit up here and completly BASH this poor young girl who OBVIOUSLY on for some reason. And to all those who say kanye had something to do with it...FIRST of all, nominee's aren't even judged on chart, sales, or any of that other stuff, stricktly talent. And no, regular people don't judge it, just the recording academt members, so gtfoh with all that. And everybody who talks about her "acting" surprized...I mean shoot! We're yall ninjas not surprized??? Why does it have to be fake that she is too?? I mean got dang! She know she got all yall mutha f****s hatin on here so its not like a "duh, I'm gonna win" type of thing. Back...thee....f***....up. Damn!

This particular instance tho, lead me to realize that people on the internet are just ass-holes in general! I mean, ur always talking about someone, bashing someone, making fun of...its like sheesh is thatall you all do is be mean? Type mean things? To preserve your hard core ass-hole image? Like why, ya know? Why does everybody strive for that ass-hole persona? It is NOT cool! Why not strive to be a nicer person, a better person maybe?? What, u think ur gonna get made fun of or something?
What the eff is wrong with being a NON ass-hole??? This world is effed up yo.

My point in life is definatly not to bash people. I can understand if you are irritated, if you are making jokes and what not...but all the damn time? Chill!!!
Even the most ass-holeish people of them all have that moment of clarity when they realize like dang...why am I like this? (*cough* kanye *cough*)

Even someone I know very personally...the biggest ass-hole I've ever known in my LIFE has recently had a breakthrough. its not all its cracked up to be people.its really freakin not. There is nothing wrong with being nice...kind. Why give off so much negative energy by being a bitch? An ass-hole?
I have met a couple people from online in person, and I must admit, I like everyone better in person...100%. And those who ask about the people I've met are sometimes like "ugh, I don't wanna met them cuz of the way they are online..." And I'm like noooo! They're much better in person! Why not be the same everywhere?? Eh, I guess some things get lost in translation via text and computer as oppose to voice and a lucid actuality of being present.but I'm just sayin!

PLEASE people, do not strive for this. I wish you all wellm I hope my next blog can be more upbeat, but I just had to let yall ninjas KNOW up in here...

Anywho, back to watching pulp fiction. Night!!

And if ya don't know, now ya know! :)

SMILES, SIGHS, and MCDONALDs APPLE PIES (2 for a dollar baby)

Hello all who read, all who follow, first time readers...everyone! Happy friggin new year! And my what a year it has been. Not only is this my first blog of the year, but its also my 100th blog post mofoski's!! (Yea I'm sweet like that, ask about me!)

Anywho, last year was full of...excitement to say the least. The beginning being TOTALLY and unexpectedly differant from the ending lol...and ya know? 09 was kinda bangin!! Even tho I laughed and cried throughout the whole thang. I'm such a baby. This was truly a pivotal year tho, I'm out here on the east coast all on my own. And boy is it ALONE. I spent christmas all by myself. Well actually I worked and had subway for christmas dinner. Yum right? I DID go back to detroit for thanksgiving tho, cuz I got a modeling job in october that paid me freakin awesomely!! BUTTT I ended up being back in debt again thanks to the WORST month of 09...mf'n november! Gosh I hated that month with a passion! Can't even tell yall why tho, smh. Alexis knows all the details tho. Shout out to alexis! (Alexisbelon.com cuz she likes it when I say her name...in blogs!)

Also shout out to Pierre mutha freakin Fontenelle! My kneegrow for LIFE! I would still be back in lame Detroit doing lame things if it weren't for him.

...Uh, whoa, this is not about shout outs B!
Lady gaga was my free b*tch of the year. I BEEN up on her since the beginning of the year. Thought she was my little secret! Nope, yall stole her! Hmmm....what else. Oh idk man, I just missed bloggin! Yay blog!
I've been out here officially 6 months now, I think I'm pretty comfortable here. Atleast I didn't go crawling back because I couldn't make it. I'm determined. And this year, everything else will now fall beautifully into place.

This year wasn't all peaches and herb tho (ahhh herb...lol!)...lots of sad, depressing, struggling times. I'm actually low key kinda strugglin right now...thanks to stupid November! I swear that month had me ALL effed up. I have a new job now tho, just got it a couple weeks ago. Blah @ jobs, but whatevvvvaaa.

Twitter has taken over my life. Its kinda sorta like blogging I guess, but in a differant way. So if u follow me on there, you know what's been up! If ya don't follow me...

Why df you aint followin me!!?? www.twitter.com/bretonymcgee :)

Annnyywhoooo. As far as relationship status...sigh. Idk yall. I left my heart in michigan, but he didn't follow me. He doesn't want to either so eh, I've been exploring lots of other things...LOTS of other things...TOO many dang things!! Smh!!! But its all been fun tho, I wouldn't have changed anything. I still miss my heart, but idk what I'm gonna do about that. I claim that I don't need to be with anybody right now...but it just gets so loonnleeeyy :(
I do not like being alone. Not one bit. Not at all! I do not like them sam I am!

Oh, oops.

But yea guys. Hope your year has been great. Hope this next one will be even better. I know for me it will be! Just wait and see! I'll try to blog more often and keep ya updated since I know some people care... (Ha haaa yall caaare! Yall are gayy!)

And get some apple pies from mcdonalds cuz that sh*t is poppin. But not from manhattan, go to the hood where its still 2 for a dolla.

Mwah everyone! Holla at meeee!!

Whenever something that someone else is doing begins to irritate me, I think to myself, am I guilty of this thing that is irritating me? If so, why do I do it? What is the point? What is the purpose? I really do try to figure out the reasons why people do the things they do. Maybe its a lost cause however, due to the fact that people are vastly differant. In saying that lol, I'm gonna talk about my subject of this blog: defense, subliminals, and unnecesary beef


But first! I moved into my own place! (Sorta) well, I'm payin rent atleast. I rented out a room for an indian guy. Its him and a white lady there. The white lady is kinda crazy, but thank goodness she stays in her room. But the indian guy is super nice and cooks all the time. Super spicy. The room is ok, atleast its a space of my own for now. So as you can see people! I finally am getting somewhere with my life! I think... I remember when up and moving to jersey was just a simple thiught in my head...and blog lol. Now it is a reality. Believe in yourself people! This blog is proof that you can get what you want out of life. And when I get really famous, I'll look back and read all my super broke blogs. How fun!

So on to the topic! First things first, as u all may very well know, I am addicted to arguing with people, I love it.that junk is fun to me. But it seems like sometimes people go out of there way to start stuff. I was reading a blog of mine where this one girl was bashin me and callin me stupid cuz of something I said. It was so ugh. Irritating. If you don't even know someone like that, how can u even comment on such a multi fascited thing as intelligence? It was OBVIOUS that person hadn't read any of my other blogs. Another thing that annoyed me. They kept saying my facts weren't straight and I needed to "do my research". Now this phrase really irritates me, let me tell ya why. First of all, in the actual sense, research consists of hands on trail, error, evidence collection, lots of things. People mainly say "do your research and don't just believe everything you hear". Negro, it aint like you out there collectin actual hands on facts yo own dang on self... Newsflash: research on the internet IS believing something you hear. You don't absolutly know that stuff is true either so wtf? Most things come from what other people say to you, so chill with all that "do your research" b.s.

But even tho that kinda stuff gets on my nerves, what gets on my nerves more? Subliminals! there are many of them out there. you may not even know about em really, cuz the whole point of a subliminal is to be just that...sublime. its basically when someone has somethig to say to you specifically, but they act like its just something general that they are saying. instead of telling YOU about it, they just talk about it as if they arent talking about anyone in particular (eh, that sounded kinda redundant, but i dont feel like proofreadin all up and through this mug).

some subliminals are ok, cuz everybody just cant be knowing every single little thing. but it gets annoying when you just KNOOOOW they are talking about you and they swear its general. as much as i love mariah, her song obsessed is straight up bout eminem. stop lyin sweetie. im not one to go through a whole bunch of people to tell a person what i gots to say. ....then again, i find myself using subliminals sometimes...

on to pointless beef. there is puerto rican guy at my job. he is hella funny, but one day, he was mad at this one guy who kept putting boxes on his side because he would get finished super fast. he got mad at the guy for that and just started doin ALLLLL this complainin. i finally had to turn to him and be like, dog! stop complaining to yourself about it, the guy you are mad at is right there! work it out with him and stop yappin in my ear! (he kept yappin)

but i just though it was the most pointless beef ever. dont get me wrong, some beef is funny and highly entertaining, but the pointless beef? why? just why? some people also only want to talk to you when its to argue about something. and its like, dude, out of all the things you could be talking to me about, THIS is the thing you feel most passionatly about?

blog oh blog...to tell yall the honest to goodness truth tho, i forgot a lot of the things i was gonna say lol. im kinda half sleep, and im never around the internet when the ideas be poppin...but that was basically a general layout! if yall got questions, comments, concerns, critisicms, holla at me and maybe it mill jog my memory! :)

anywho tho, the next blog is my 100th blog entry wahooo!! i might have a celebration up in this mug! let me know what yall want me to talk about in that one.

aight love yall (sometimes)

peaaaacee (sleep time)

i have a new video everybody!


yay, go check it out. its nothing too spectacular, just a video resume soo i can get a real job up in here!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXU0W_pifHU